– Bad Jokes –
This hilarious collection of the funniest bad jokes will make any parent laugh, from one-liners to cheesy humor. They’re both awful and good.
Although humor is subjective, some bad jokes are so poor that they come full circle and end up being ironically hilarious.
We’re all powerless to jokes that wallow in their own cringe-iness, no matter how hard we try not to laugh.
Bad Dad Jokes
1. Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.
2. I’m afraid of the calendar. Its days are numbered.
3. If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?”An iWitness.”
4. Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
5. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
6. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
7. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
8. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.”
9. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
10. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
Bad Jokes that are Funny
11. What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.
12. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
13. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
14. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
15. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
16. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
17. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
18. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
19. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
20. How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
Really Bad Jokes
21. Can February March? No, but April May!
22. Where do young trees go to learn? “Elementree school.”
23. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.”
24. What do you call a hot dog on wheels?”Fast food!”
25. I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!
26. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
27. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
28. Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!
29. What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
30. What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill!
Funny Bad Jokes
31. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
32. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
33. I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
34. What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
35. Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.
36. The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.
37. A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
38. My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
39. Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
40. I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?
Really Bad Dad Jokes
41. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
42. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? “HDMI.”
43. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
44. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
45. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?”They’re both Paris sites.”
46. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? “Sofishticated.”
47. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”
48. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
49. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? “Pilgrims.”
50. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? “A satisfactory.”
51. Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
53. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? “In case they get a hole in one!”
54. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
55. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!
56. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
57. What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
58. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lapdogs!
59. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”
60. What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
61. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
62. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
63. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
64. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’re bagels!
65. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
66. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
67. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
68. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
69. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
70. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
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Best Dad Joke
71. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
72. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
73. What do you call a fake noodle? “An impasta.”
74. It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
75. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?”By its bark.”
76. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
77. How do you get a good price on a sled? “You have toboggan.”
78. Why is Peter Pan always flying? “He neverlands.”
79. What do clouds wear? “Thunderwear.”
80. Why are piggy banks so wise?”They’re filled with common cents.”
Bad Jokes for Kids
81. Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
82. What does garlic do when it gets hot? “It takes its cloves off.”
83. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? “A little hoarse.”
84. How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?”Nothing, it’s on the house.”
85. What’s a robot’s favorite snack? “Computer chips.”
86. Where do math teachers go on vacation? “Times Square.”
87. Whenever I try to eat healthily, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.”
88. What do you call a belt made of watches? “A waist of time.”
89. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? “Traffic jam.”
90. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? “Prime mates.”
Good Bad Jokes
91. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
92. I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
93. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”
94. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
95. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
96. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.
97. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
98. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
99. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
100. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
Mind Blowing Jokes
101. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
102. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
103. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”
104. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
105. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
106. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
107. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “Graaaaaaaains!”
108. My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.
109. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
110. Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.
111. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
112. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
113. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
114. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
115. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
116. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
117. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels overhead!
118. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
119. What’s the best smelling insect?” “A deodor-ant.
120. I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
121. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
122. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
123. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.
124. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
125. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
126. I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
127. I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
128. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
129. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
130. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
Joke of the Day
131. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
132. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
133. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
134. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
135. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
136. What’s red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.
137. Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.
138. I’m terrified of elevators so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
139. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
140. What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!
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141. I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.
142. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
143. What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.
144. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.
145. Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
146. What does a house wear? Address!
147. A communist joke isn’t funny unless everyone gets it.
148. When is your door not actually a door? When it’s ajar.
149. Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
150. What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
151. What’s green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
152. Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
153. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
154. I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
155. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
156. I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently, I couldn’t concentrate.
157. A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’
158. Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
159. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.
160. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a Fanta sea.
161. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
162. What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
163. Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
164. Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
165. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
166. That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.
167. A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
168. When two vegans get into an argument, is it still called a beef?
169. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
170. Do you think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
171. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK! Rowling.
172. How does a penguin build its house? I igloos it together.
173. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
174. My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
175. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
176. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
177. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
178. What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb!
179. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
180. Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.
Bad Adult Jokes
181. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
182. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
183. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
184. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons came to some use.
185. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
186. I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
187. What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
188. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
189. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
190. They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
191. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
192. I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
193. Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They’re constantly being followed.
194. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, damn it! Breathe!
195. What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.
196. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
197. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?” “A meltdown.
198. Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?” “It didn’t have the guts.
199. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
200. How does a taco say grace?” “Lettuce pray.
201. What kind of car does an egg drive?” “A yolkswagen.
202. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
203. How do you make 7 even?” “Take away the s.
204. Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.
205. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?” “Yellow!
206. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be afoot.
207. Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
208. Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
209. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
210. What do you call someone with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows.
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211. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
212. What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
213. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
214. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
215. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
216. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
217. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
218. Where do boats go when they’re sick?” “To the boat doc.
219. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
220. My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.
221. What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned eighty? “Aye, matey.”
222. Why don’t crabs donate? Because they’re shellfish.
223. Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”
224. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.
225. When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.
226. There’s no hole in your shoe? Then how’d you got your foot in it?
227. A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
228. A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
229. I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
230. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
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231. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
232. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
233. What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!
234. Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
235. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”
236. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
237. I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
238. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
239. Dad, did you get a haircut?”No, I got them all cut!
240. What has more letters than the alphabet?”The post office!
241. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
242. Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Sundae school.
243. What does a sprinter eat before a race?” “Nothing, they fast!
244. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s Pop Corn?
245. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’
246. What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.
247. Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!
248. What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.
249. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
250. What did the ocean say to the beach?” “Nothing, it just waved.
FAQs about Bad Jokes
Below are frequently asked questions about bad jokes
1. What’s a joke that was so bad you laughed?
▸ Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.
▸ I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!
▸ Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
▸ What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? “HDMI.”
▸ My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
▸ A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
2. What are some good adult jokes?
▸ Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
▸ Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other? A. Together, we can stop this shit.
▸ Q. What kind of Bees produce milk? A. Boobees
▸ Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. Cover me, I’m going in
▸ Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
▸ Q. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? A. Melt them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
3. Is it inappropriate to tell a joke on a job interview?
The key to successful use of humour in a job interview is balance; a light moment or a joke framed by an accurate recounting of your qualities
4. Should I talk my girlfriend out of getting plastic surgery?
Just let her know how you feel – including especially if it could contribute to your deciding to leave her – but leave the decision up to her.
5. Is it appropriate to display a sense of humor during an interview?
If you’re not a naturally funny person, it’s probably best to avoid attempts at injecting humor into the interview
6. What are some of the funniest one-liners?
▸ “Light travels faster than sound.
▸ “I always take life with a grain of salt.
▸ “I don’t have a beer gut.
7. What should I say when someone says, “You’re old”?
I would smile and say, “Thank you! You’ll be fortunate to get to my age. Do you know how many people were born the year I was who are no longer here?”
8. What do you think of plastic surgery?
Studies have shown that people report increased satisfaction with the body part they had surgery on, but results are mixed on whether plastic surgery boosts their self-esteem, quality of life, self-confidence and interpersonal relationships in the long term
9. Should I tell my partner that I have had plastic surgery?
There’s no right or wrong – it’s up to each person to decide. If you do tell your boyfriend about having cosmetic surgery, the timing of when you do so is also up to you. Don’t stress about the timing
10. Did Felix from Stray Kids get surgery on his face?
So recently Felix confirmed that he got braces (it’s also pretty obvious) in a video fan sign. That actually explains a lot, if not everything.
We hope this article about bad jokes has left you and your friends guffawing in laughter. Please endeavor to share this article with your family, friends, and colleagues. Cheers.