Incredibly Funny Retirement Quotes and Comical Wishes

Incredibly Funny Retirement Quotes and Comical Wishes.

Funny Retirement Quotes: Retirement can be both pleasing and depressing. All the thoughts of the lonely and boring days can be so scaring.

Your retiring friend or colleague needs to forget some of these disturbing issues as retirement stare in the face. You can raise their spirits with some interesting retirement quotes and wishes.

Funny and Humourous Retirement Quotes

• “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” > A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

• “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” > Fred Rogers

• “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” > Maya Angelou

• “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” > Winston Churchill

• “Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.” > Kellie Elmore

• “When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.” > Chi Chi Rodriguez

• “There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” > Robert Half

• “Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” > Gene Perret

• “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” > Jonathan Clements

• “Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.” > Jen Kirkman

• “My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” > Julius Sharpe ‏

• “People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” > George Burns

• “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” > R.C. Sherriff

• “If you really want to annoy me, ask me when I’m going to retire from rock n’ roll.” > Bruce Dickinson

• “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” > C.S. Lewis

• “There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world. Because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” > Zayn Malik

• “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” > Bill Watterson

• “As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.” > Earl Nightingale

• “Planning to retire? Before you do find your hidden passion, do the thing that you have always wanted to do.” > Catherine Pulsifer

• “There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it bliss.” > Betty Sullivan

• “As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.” > Robert Benchley

• “I found out retirement means playing golf, or I don’t know what the hell it means. But to me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.” > Dick Van Dyke

• “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” > Sophia Loren

• “It is better to live rich than to die rich.” > Samuel Johnson

• “Retire from work, but not from life.” > M.K. Soni

• “I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute,

• my alarm clock, and my iron.” > Hartman Jule

•  “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” > Abe Lemons

• “Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.” > Robert Benchley

• “Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” > George Burns

• “If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” > Doug Larson

• “When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” > Chi Chi Rodriguez

• “I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off.”  >Steve Young

• “A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” > Ella Harris

• “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” > Will Rogers

• “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” > Kitty O’Neill Collins

• “I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot.” > Leonard Cohen

• “I need to retire from retirement.” > Sandra Day O’Connor

• “Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” > Betty White

Funny Retirement Wishes For a Friend

You sure have a special flow with your friends. Here we give you some really funny wishes you can send them on their retirement.

• Uh oh. Someone’s about to have too much free time on [his/her] hands.

• You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can put new tires on an old car. That’s what you’re doing: re-tiring.

• When “I’m too old for this shit” becomes your daily mantra, you know it’s time to retire. Hope you enjoy all the adventures you have ahead of you.

• Can you say Senior Discount? Hope you enjoy all the perks of retirement.

• Now your only job is having fun – and I know you’re a real pro at that.

• Retirement doesn’t make you an old fart, but it does mean you no longer give a shit.

• Now is the time to throw professionalism out the window once and for all.

• Prepare yourself for years of hearing: “You look too young to be retired!”

• Now it’s time to stop fawning over your boss and start fawning over your grandkids.

• AARP: The sound you make when you realize that getting showered and dressed in the morning is now optional.

Funny Retirement Wishes for a Colleague

Some colleagues are just so close to our hearts. Even though we are going to miss them, we can make our last moments memorable. Share these amusing wishes with them.

• Without you around, I’ll never be able to stay awake for status meetings.

• Your retirement will leave an empty space in our hearts, not to mention the break room fridge.

• Your retirement brings out a lot of emotions in me, but I’d have to say envy is the biggest one.

• This place won’t be the same without you. In case you’re wondering, that’s a compliment.

• You might want to change your number. Once management realizes everything you did here, they’ll be begging you to come back.

• I’m losing you as a coworker, but I better be keeping you as a lunch buddy. Please take me with you!

• You will never have to ask for a day off ever again. Happy Retirement!

• Welcome to the next, best chapter of your life!

• Enjoy your never-ending vacation!

• You can’t retire from being great.

• Enjoy your retirement! A perfect time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked.

• The days of 9 – 5 are in the past. Happy Retirement!

• The position you have waited on for years is finally yours!

• For the person who gave their best day in and day out, cheers to your retirement!

• Happy Retirement! Make sure you work just as hard at relaxing as you have in your great career.

• It’s time to enjoy your life, cherish every moment of it.

• I wish you a happy retirement filled with love, fun and happiness.

• Here’s to watching your grand kids instead of the bottom line. Happy Retirement!

• Congratulations on beating me to retirement. I’ll try not to hold it against you.

• Congrats to the retiree! You deserve it!

• Congratulations not only on your retirement, but on all the incredible years of work you put into getting there.

• Congratulations! I hope you soak up all of the sunshine and fun memories you can.

• Best wishes for your retirement and congratulations on your standout career!

• May all the years that lie ahead bring you much joy and relaxation.

• Congratulations, here’s to a long, healthy and happy retirement. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

• Keep busy and make the most of your retirement!

• May all your bucket list dreams come true for you in retirement.

• Cheers to making all of your retirement dreams come true!

• If you get bored, don’t worry I’m only one phone call away!

• Live well, be happy. Happy Retirement!