Funny Work Quotes

200 Funny Work Quotes That’ll Make Your Daily Grind More Enjoyable

– Funny Work Quotes –

Are you sick of hearing the same motivating slogans over and again? Then you have to check out this collection of funny work quotes that our crew can’t get enough of!

Funny Work Quotes

Maybe you’re stressed out because of a looming deadline, or you’re tired of hearing the same office drama day after day. Or maybe you’re simply grumpy because you had to change out of your pj’s and into actual trousers today.

Whatever element of your job has you down, the easiest way to cheer up is to read these humorous work quotes that will make you laugh.

These humorous quips and funny work quotes make light of the ups and downs of working life and are sure to brighten any day at the office.

Funny Motivational Quotes for Work

1. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

2. I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22 Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

3. “Make today your masterpiece.”

4. “If you work just for money, you’ll never make it, but if you love what you’re doing and you always put the customer first, success will be yours.”

5. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

6. “As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins

7. It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner

8. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

9. “You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar

10. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

Funny Quotes about Work

11. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

12. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

13. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

14. People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard

15. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

16. “I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” — Clarence Darrow

17. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker

18. “It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

19. “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

20. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

Funny Work Quotes

Work Quotes Funny

21. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

22. Going to work doesn’t make me happy, my paycheck does.

23. If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

24. I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

25. If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.

26. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

27. Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

28. A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.

29. Doing nothing is harder than it looks. It’s impossible to take breaks.

30. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

Inspirational Quotes for Work Funny

31. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

32. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.

33. If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues’ initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.

34. It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys.

35. Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.

36. I have no idea what my job is here. I just drink lots of coffee.

37. Sweetie, I’m gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay?

38. Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.

39. A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

40. The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead.

Work Quotes

Funny Inspirational Work Quotes

41. I’ve worked too hard to quit now.

42. She works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

43. I love my job. Can I go home now, please?

44.  A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

45. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

46. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

47. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx

48. “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams

49. “Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Funny Work Quotes

50. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard

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Funny Quotes for Work

51. “There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman

52. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson

53. “If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y plays. Z is keeping your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein

54. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall

55. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

56. “Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash

57. “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Funny Work Quotes

58. “The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller

59. “Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Funny Work Quotes

60. “I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Funny Work Quotes

Funny Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes Funny Work Quotes

61. When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.

62. I often find myself contemplating if punching you in the face would be worth losing my job.

63. I really hate it when someone suggests I get a job doing something I love. No one is going to pay me to chug vodka and pin some e-cards all day long.

64. Every employee rises to the level of his own incompetence.

65. Don’t corner something meaner than you.

66. Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing off what I did yesterday.

67. It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

68. Eagles soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

69. Work like a captain. Play like a pirate.

70. Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job

Positive Attitude Funny Motivational Quotes for Work

71. When you’re up to your armpits in alligators, it’s hard to remember to drain the swamp.

72. I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

73. Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.

74. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

75. Run your idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it.

76. ‘Yay! It’s the weekend! ‘ said nobody who works in a restaurant.

77. Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them.

78. The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

79. It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

80. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Positive Attitude

Inspirational Work Quotes Funny

81. It’s a little disheartening when your co-workers get paid more than you and you still have to show them how to send an email.

82. I told my boss that 2 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job. He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric, and cable.

83. In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.

84. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.

85. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

86. The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

87. The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

88. “Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” — Funny Work Quotes

89. “When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright

90. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

Hilarious Work Quotes Funny Sarcastic

91. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

92. Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty

93. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman

94. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis

95. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey

96. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino

97. “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Funny Work Quotes

98. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale

99. “People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams

100. “Pride, commitment, and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Funny Work Quotes

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Funny Quotes

101. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, and waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali

102. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia

103. “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr

104. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy

105. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Funny Work Quotes

106. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

107. “Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar

108. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy

109. “I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Funny Work Quotes

110. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Inspirational Work

Sarcastic Quotes

111. “Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half isn’t so bright.” – Funny Work Quotes

112. “I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. Do you know what that means? Do you know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law. (cialis) ’” – Chris Rock

113. “I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau

114. “Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi

115. “The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan

116. “It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” – Alan Alda

117. “A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather

118. “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson

119. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

120. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

Cool Quotes

121. “After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Funny Work Quotes

122. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash

123. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

124. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

125. “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing

126. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

127. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner

128. “Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing

129. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

130. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

Fun Wits

Fun Quotes

131. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner

132. “Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard

133. “Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26

134. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger

135. “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoret

136. “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” – Scott Adams

137. “An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” – William Castle

138. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi

139. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.” – Mark Twain

140. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Positive Work Quotes

141. “If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry

142. Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier

143. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

144. “One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell

145. “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” – Tim Notke

146. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams

147. “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley

148. “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” – Larry Winget

149. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx

150. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings

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Meme Quotes

151. “Education costs money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser

152. “Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison

153. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen

154. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx

155. It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, and waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

156. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen

157. Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. – Jim Murray

158. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Homer Simpson

159. I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around. – Homer Simpson

160. Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. – Homer Simpson

Meme Wits

Hilarious Quotes

161. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” -John Gotti

162. Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock. – Pablo Picasso

163. The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination. – Ronald Reagan

164. Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still? – J. Paul Getty

165. God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die. – Bill Watterson

166. If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y plays. Z is keeping your mouth shut. – Albert Einstein

167. The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. – Denise Miller

168. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. – Robert Frost

169. Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. –  Al Capp

170. Beat the 5 o’clock rush, and leave work at noon. – Funny Work Quotes

Funny Positive Quotes

171. The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office. – George Bernard Shaw

172. There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living. – Karl Lagerfeld

173. My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning. – Funny Work Quotes

174. We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. -Funny Work Quotes

175. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben

176. I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this belief into a real thing! – Funny Work Quotes

177. I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. – Jerome K. Jerome

178. Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden. – Orson Scott Card

179. The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches. – Bove’s Theorem

180. In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. – Archie Bunker

Hilarious Jest

Awesome Quotes

181. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. – Erma Bombeck

182. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B. – Fats Domino

183. I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock. – Henny Youngman

184. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

185. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ – Don Marquis

186. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. – Sarah Brown

187. A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time. – William C. Feather

188. If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. – Claude McDonald

189. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phyllis Diller

190. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey

Inspiring Quotes

191. Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

192. What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. – Vilhjalmur Stefansson

193. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. – Erma Bombeck

194. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.- Lily Tomlin

195. Failure is not an option… it comes bundled with the software. -Funny Work Quotes

196. The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time. – Joe Girard

197. It is a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it is a depression when you lose yours. – Harry S. Truman

198. Lisa, if you do not like your job, you do not strike. You just go in every day and do it half-assed. That’s the American way. – Homer Simpson

199. His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours. – Arthur Baer

200. Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train. – The Office

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