There are many puzzles that border the minds of mere mortals like us. How do some children get so attached to their mothers while some are so detached? How does the mom and son relationship become so intense and profound? Evidently, there are more mother and son relationships than are mother and daughter; another mystery yet to be unraveled.
Surely, there are many intricacies surrounding the mom and son bond that are quite hidden from most people. However, many aspects of this union bring about a lot of issues that need to be explained and clarified.
With this in view and considering how vital the mom and son relationship is for the development of the man and the society at large, more attention needs to be paid to this. Accordingly, this article aims to analyze some crucial areas of mom and son relationships and how they can be better structured.
Why is the Mother and Son Relationship Necessary?
Right from conception to delivery, a mother shares a special attachment with her children. However, it is very necessary that the mother becomes more conscious about the relationship she shares and maintains with her son. Some of the reasons why this bond should be sustained in a very viable form include:
1. Emotional Strength and Independence
A boy, who is loved and cared for by his mom, turns into a confident man. A study published in the August 2011 edition of Child Development says that unconditional love and acceptance of the mother reassures the son that he is lovable and capable of being a good friend and lover. The study also reveals that the more loving a mother is the fewer are the chances of the boy being distant and cold.
2. Behavioral Control and Responsibility
Emotional intelligence imparted by the mother helps the son develop the ability to articulate his thoughts and balance his emotions. Thereby, he develops self-control in the classroom and social settings.
3. Proper Communication and Self-Expression
A mother who is open in her communication becomes her son’s confidante. Her son can talk and share anything with her even in his teenage and adult years. This helps the sons communicate without any fear and inhibitions.
4. Emotionally Intelligence
Boys who share a healthy relationship with their mothers from their early childhood are emotionally strong and are believed to have less behavioral problems in their lives. The strong bond between the mother and son makes him feel secure and confident.
Studies indicate that boys who do not have a healthy bond with their moms in early childhood could be hostile and aggressive in their later years, or insecure in relationships and establishing goals, among others.
Skills for Building a Strong Mom and Son Relationship
This adventurous, daring individual will surely need the love and guidance of his mother to be able to effectively plunge into the wider society effectively. No other bond or relationship can be equated to that shared by a mom and son.
A boy’s bond with his mother is one of the deepest, most enduring relationships he will experience in his lifetime. It should also be one of the healthiest and most supportive. Here are some suggestions for building a strong, loving connection with your boy.
1. Listen and observe
Good mothers are willing to spend time just listening and watching. Ask curiosity questions to draw your son out; let him finish his thoughts before offering suggestions or advice.
2. Learn to Speak His Language
Boys bond through activities. If you want to bond with him, then do the things he loves with him. Maybe your son has a passion or even an interest in something, show a little interest yourself. If it’s baseball, learn the basics of the sport so you can enjoy a game together.
It can be Legos and science fiction, engage with him enough to at least be conversant (this comes from a mom who’s been forced to learn more about Star Wars than she ever really wanted to know). Because it’s not really about base hits and battle droids, it’s about communicating that what matters to him also matters to you. Use this Mother Son Bucket List to make the most of your time together.
3. Spend Time Just Being Together
Obviously, relationships require time. You must be willing to hang out, to play, and to do things face to face with your son. Have at least fifteen minutes a day that belongs just to your boy—no multitasking allowed!
4. Create Some Air Space for Him to Talk
We’ve all heard the statistics about how many more words women speak per day than men. Women are natural verbal communicators. But your son likely has a lot to say—if you can hush up long enough to listen. Carve out time to spend with your son where there aren’t distractions.
Bedtime is a great moment for this with younger boys. With your older boys, it might be a walk around the neighborhood. Ask some open-ended questions, and then listen. Resist the urge to rush in to fill the awkward silences or to finish up his thoughts for him. Give him some air space, and let him fill it up.
5. Respond to your Son’s Cues
When he says, “I can do it myself, Mom!” teach the necessary skills, be sure he’s safe, and then allow him to try. It is skills and experience that build self-esteem.
6. Acknowledge his Unique Gender Traits
Boys can be loud, dirty, smelly, endlessly hungry, and lots of other things that just don’t jive with our female sensibilities. But it’s those grungy little hands and pockets full of rocks that will one day translate into strong hands and a masculine instinct that will make him a wonderful husband and father.
Instead of bemoaning all the rough edges of your son’s masculinity, find ways to appreciate them for the beginnings of manhood that they are. Your son will love you even more for accepting him the way God wired him. And then you can make him take a bath.
7. Be Curious About His Interests
If your son loves an activity, sharing his enthusiasm is a wonderful way to build a connection. Watch his favorite sport with him; admire the new skateboard tricks he learns. Understanding your son’s world will keep you connected.
8. Know his Friends
There is no better way to learn about your son than to watch him at play with his friends. As your son grows, welcome his friends into your home. If he can bring his life to you, he is less likely to feel the need to hide it from you.
9. Respect His Privacy
Even little boys need time to themselves. Your son may choose to play alone in his room from time to time, or to disappear into his computer or stereo headphones. You can show him that you care and still respect his need for private space.
10. Provide Kind, Firm Discipline and Don’t be Afraid to Follow Through
A male child needs to be put straight about a whole lot of things. There should be no room for truancy and irresponsible. A mother needs to be resolute and tough in handing out discipline to her son.
Vital Benefits of Mom and Son Bond
We want to consider some outstanding advantages attached to having a functional and positive mom and son relationship. Though not as exhaustive, the one to be listed tend to be the most crucial of them all.
1. It Leads to Better Performance
Researchers have found that nurturing has a direct impact on how a child’s brain develops. Specifically in the area that’s responsible for learning, memory, and stress responses. A mother that is attentive to her son from the very first days already makes a significant impact on his performance at school. So the more care she gives to him, the more care he’ll apply when studying.
2. Mom and Son Bond Builds and Promotes Confidence.
A mother’s support is a strong force. We all need our personal cheerleaders in life, and for a boy having his mom as his most loyal fan is a major confidence booster. If a boy feels secure around his mom, there is less of a chance of him acting up in the future. In addition, if he has his mom’s support, he will believe in himself and won’t be afraid to try new things.
3. Reduction in Destructive Male Stereotypes
Several studies have found that mothers are more accepting of girl’s emotions than boy’s, which can eventually lead to psychological withdrawal.
That is why a supportive mother should encourage her boy to express his emotions. She should explain that crying doesn’t make him look less manly and that it provides comfort when needed. As a result, the boy will grow up into an emotionally available man, who’s honest about his feelings, and doesn’t live according to gender stereotypes.
4. It Promotes Higher Emotional Intelligence
Speaking of male stereotypes and being able to express feelings in a healthy way, boys with secure attachments to their mothers are less likely to develop behavioral problems, which could interfere with their emotional development. They know how to deal with interpersonal conflicts, as well as form connections with other people, which is useful in almost all areas of our life.
5. It Eases the Transition into Adulthood.
Evidently, growing up can be a stressful experience. Many kids are afraid to leave the nest and pursue independence. Interestingly, research has shown that children who have a supportive household feel much more confident to go off on their own, because they know their parents will always be there for them. So while it can be tough for a momma to see her boy become a man, she can be confident that he will be okay, all thanks to her.
6. Mom and Son Bond Develops Respects for Women
Truly, it is basically impossible to imagine that a man who loves and cares for his mother would treat other women badly. By being close to his mom, a boy learns how to communicate with females and learns about their psyche. However, if you’ve met men who are attentive to women and respect their needs, you can bet that they have a great relationship with their mother.
7. It Lowers their Risk for Mental Health Issues.
In reference to the mother-son attachment, it was also proven that it significantly strengthens a boy’s mental health. He learns to efficiently cope with issues and receives enough support to steer clear of depression and anxiety.
8. Mother and Son Relationship Positions the Man to be More Successful
When we put together doing good in school, being confident, being mentally stable, and being sociable, we have a perfect recipe for a winner in life. And we’re not just talking about financial success, we’re talking about what’s most important: happiness. Any mother wants to see her boy happy, and her involvement in his life cannot be overestimated.
Frequent Mom and Son Relationship Challenges
Well, as is common with most human interactions, conflict is inevitable. Most times, these conflicts exist in a mom and son relationship. At times, it escalates to threatening dimensions. Some of the very prominent issues that arise in a mom and son relationship are:
1. Financial Demands
Teen boys need money to go around with friends, splurge on luxuries, buy a bike or costly clothes. They want their mother to give them money whenever they ask for, but wouldn’t want her to ask any questions on how they are spending the money.
2. Resistance to Rules and Regulations
As teenagers, boys want to explore the world, spend more time with their friends and come home late in the night. The rules put forth by the mother or the probing questions she asks, annoy the teen, and make him think that his mother is interfering too much in his activities.
3. Enacting the Position of Wife and Mother Independently
In later life, some men continue to take suggestions from their moms, let their moms interfere, and take charge of their lives even after marriage. The man needs to take a stand and speak up for himself and strike a balance between his mother and wife.
4. Too Much Attention
Being obsessed with his mom can stem from the over-protective nature of the mother. When the wife realizes that her husband is giving more-than-required attention to his mom at the cost of her and the kids, she might turn a cold shoulder and even decide to leave him.
5. Too much Attachment
Some mothers just can’t let go of their sons. They want to involve in every tiny detail of his life, control him, and continue treating him as a child. This can actually also be the other way round. Mothers should let their sons lead their life, give them their space and leave room for him to deal with situations. It enhances the respect they have for each other.
“Mother is her son’s first god; she must teach him the most important lesson of all, how to love.” > T. F. Hodge
“Mothers are inscrutable beings to their sons, always.” > A.E. Coppard
“A mother’s love doesn’t make her son more dependent and timid; it actually makes him stronger and more independent.” > Cheri Fuller
“To wake up to the sound of my son saying ‘Mama, mama!’ It’s the best sound ever.” > Miranda Kerr
“My mother never gave up on me. I messed up in school so much they were sending me home, but my mother sent me right back.” > Denzel Washington
“A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.” >Irish Proverb
“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” > Honore de Balzac
“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.” > Henry Ward Beecher
“A mother understands what a child does not say.” > Jewish Proverb
“Happy is the son whose faith in his mother remains unchallenged.” > Louisa May Alcott
“Moms are as relentless as the tides. They just don’t drive us to practice, they drive us to greatness.” > Steve Rushin
“And she loved a little boy very, very much—even more than she loved herself.” > Shel Silverstein
“Men are what their mothers made them.” > Ralph Waldo Emerson
“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” > Abraham Lincoln
“There is an enduring tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart.” > Washington Irving
“A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.” > Victor Hugo
“That strong mother doesn’t tell her cub, son, stay weak so the wolves can get you. She says, toughen up, this is reality we are living in.” > Lauryn Hill
“A child’s first teacher is its mother.” > Peng Liyuan
“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” > Abraham Lincoln
“No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.” > Godfrey Winn
“My mom was the person that I most looked up to for her point of view, her humor.” > Ben Stiller
Looking at all the areas addressed in this article, we can hope to have more civil and fulfilling mom and son relationships in our society starting from our individual homes. Hopefully, when we are determined to practice these tips, our families will become better built and bonded. Also, we will have more responsible and sensitive men.