200 Spooky and Funny Halloween Quotes

Halloween Quotes

Whether you’re looking for some spooky song lyrics or the best lines from classic Halloween movies (think Halloweentown, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and more), you’ll find all the best Halloween quotes here. And, of course, we’ve included lots of memorable lines from famous authors too, from Stephen King to Shakespeare.

Some of these quotes are scary, some are cute, and some are funny. They’re all inspirational and sure to put you in the mood for a spooky good time as the end of October nears. So read on—you’ll be in a Halloween kind of mood before you know it.

Witchy Wisdom Halloween Quotes

Witchy Wisdom Halloween Quotes

1. “I’m not a witch, I just have a broomstick on my license.” – Unknown

2. “Why did the witch go to the party? To scare up some fun!” – Anonymous

3. “Being a witch is all about embracing your inner basic.” – Sarah Sanderson

4. “My broomstick runs on coffee, just like me.” – Witchy Brewster

5. “Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits!” – Casper the Friendly Ghost

6. “I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed – just like a ghost!” – Snoozy Spooker

7. “If you’ve got it, haunt it!” – Boo Radley

8. “Why did the ghost go to the party? To boo-gie down!” – Unknown

9. “Why did the ghost go to the pumpkin patch? It heard they were raising spirits!” – Haunting Harvester

10. “I told my pumpkin it was a maize-ing. It blushed, and now I have a bashful gourd!” – Modest Melon

11. “Why did the pumpkin get invited to all the parties? It had the best gourd-met sense!” – Party Pumpkin

12. “I asked the pumpkin to dance. It said, ‘I’m better at sitting still – it’s a squash thing!'” – Rhythmic Gourd

Pumpkin Puns Halloween Quotes

Pumpkin Puns Halloween Quotes

13. “I’m just here for the boos!” – Jack O’Lantern

14. “What do you get if you drop a pumpkin? Squash!” – Pumpkin Humorist

15. “My love life is like a pumpkin – gourd-geous but a little patchy.” – Love-Lorn Pumpkin

16. “Why did the pumpkin turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!” – Vegetable Comedian

17. “Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!” – Unknown

18. “I’m friends with all monsters – except my alarm clock.” – Monster Insomniac

19. “What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.” – Theatre-Loving Monster

20. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Frank N. Stein

21. “Why did the candy corn refuse to fight? It’s all about peace, love, and sugary sweetness!” – Pacifist Candy Corn

22. “Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that’s never been advertised. And there’s a reason.” – Lewis Black

23. “I’m on the candy corn diet – I see candy, and I eat it!” – Sugar Fiend

24. “Candy corn is proof that the world is a colorful place.” – Unknown

Spooky Stand-Up Halloween Quotes

25. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Punny Jester

26. “Why did the vampire read the newspaper? To keep up with current blood events!” – Comic Bloodsucker

27. “I used to be a werewolf, but I’m much better nooooow!” – Recovered Lycanthrope

28. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!” – Ghostwriter

Haunted House Hilarity Halloween Quotes

Haunted House Hilarity Halloween Quotes

29. “Why did the ghost go to therapy? To work on its haunting issues.” – Dr. Spooky Therapist

30. “I decorated my house for Halloween with cobwebs. Now the spiders think we’re roommates.” – Arachno-Roomie

31. “My house is haunted by an anti-social ghost. It never wants to go out and scare people with me.” – Lonely Poltergeist

32. “I scream, you scream, we all scream when we see a spider!” – Scaredy-Cat Ghost

33. “Why do mummies make excellent secret agents? They’re good at keeping things under wraps!” – Mummy Agent

34. “I wanted to be a vampire for Halloween, but my mom told me I was a pain in the neck already.” – Teenage Vamp

35. “I’m dressing up as a cat for Halloween. It’s the purr-fect disguise!” – Kitty Trickster

36. “My costume is so scary, even my reflection is hiding!” – Costume Phantom

37. “I’m not saying your house is haunted, but your ceiling keeps telling me to run.” – Paranormal Trickster

38. “Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.” – Mummified Jester

39. “I’m not afraid of werewolves or vampires. It’s the neighbor’s dog that scares me.” – Canine Critic

40. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders.” – Arachnophobic Trickster

Zombie Zingers Halloween Quotes

Zombie Zingers Halloween Quotes

41. “Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his dead-ucation!” – Undead Scholar

42. “I tried to make a zombie joke, but it died.” – Punderful Zombie

43. “Zombies are so considerate – they always leave a tip, usually a finger.” – Ghoul Gourmet

44. “Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny!” – Comedic Corpse

45. “Witches be like, ‘I’ll put a spell on you, but first, coffee.'” – Caffeinated Enchantress

46. “I asked a witch for her WiFi password. She said, ‘Get your own broomstick!'” – Magical Networker

47. “Being a witch is all fun and games until someone turns you into a newt.” – Newt-in-Waiting

48. “I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode – like a witch on vacation.” – Spellbound Sloth

49. “Why did the ghost apply for a job? He heard it was a dead-end job!” – Phantom Job Seeker

50. “I asked the ghost if it believed in life after death. It said, ‘No, but I believe in free boo-ty calls!'” – Casanova Ghost

51. “What’s a ghost’s favorite room in the house? The living room!” – Ghostly Realtor

52. “I tried to write a ghost story, but it didn’t have enough spirit.” – Spiritless Storyteller

Enchanted Euphoria Halloween Quotes

53. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Mystical Mixologist

54. “I told the wizard to make me look younger. He turned me into a baby. I should

55. “Why did the wizard refuse to play hide and seek? He always felt too transparent about his hiding spots!” – Vanishing Virtuoso

56. “I asked the wizard for a light snack. Now my snack is glowing in the dark!” – Illuminated Epicure

57. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said I didn’t have enough magic. Now I’m disenchanted.” – Failed Apprentice

58. “Why did the wizard get kicked out of school? He couldn’t spell!” – Spelling Sorcerer

59. “I told my family I wanted a scary costume. They handed me a mirror.” – Family Comedian

60. “Why did the mummy take his bandages to family therapy? To unwrap his issues!” – Bandaged Brood

61. “I asked my dad if he believes in ghosts. He said, ‘Only when your mom is looking for something!'” – Parental Poltergeist

62. “My family is so spooky; even our skeletons have skeletons!” – Skeleton-in-the-Closet Clan

63. “Why did the werewolf start a band? He had a howling good voice!” – Musical Lycanthrope

64. “I tried to be friends with a werewolf, but he said I wasn’t his type. Apparently, he prefers the B-positive crowd.” – Blood Type Critic

66. “What do you call a werewolf with no sense of humor? A grumble-wolf.” – Grumpy Growler

67. “I asked the werewolf if he was going to the Halloween party. He said he couldn’t decide – it’s a howl lot of work!” – Indecisive Lycan

Creepy Cuisine Halloween Quotes

Creepy Cuisine Halloween Quotes

68. “I made a cake for Halloween. It’s called ‘Count Chocula’s Nightmare’ – one bite, and you’re scared for life!” – Culinary Conjurer

69. “I tried to make a skeleton-shaped cake, but it came out looking like a blob. Now it’s a spooky amoeba.” – Baking Boo-Boo

70. “I asked the chef for a Halloween special. He handed me a broomstick and said, ‘Sweepstakes winner!'” – Culinary Comedian

71. “Why did the tomato turn into a pumpkin? It wanted to be a jack-o’-lantern!” – Veggie Transformationist

72. “Why do vampires seem sick? They always have coffin fits!” – Dracul-achoo!

73. “I asked the vampire if he wanted to go for a drink. He said, ‘No thanks, I’ve already got a Bloody Mary!'” – Mixologist of the Night

74. “Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Stakeholders were too much trouble.” – Ethical Drinker

75. “I tried to tell a vampire joke, but it was a pain in the neck.” – Neckache-Inducing Humorist

76. “I told my mummy I wanted to be glamorous for Halloween. Now I’m wrapped in sequins.” – Sequined Specter

77. “Why did the fashionista ghost go to the party? To show off her boo-tiful outfit!” – Stylish Spirit

78. “I put on so much makeup for Halloween that even my mirror screamed.” – Cosmetic Casper

79. “I asked the zombie about his fashion sense. He said, ‘I like my clothes a bit dead.'” – Fashionably Undead

Hocus Pocus Humor Halloween Quotes

80. “I asked the magician if he could make my student loans disappear. He vanished.” – Debt Disappearing Act

81. “Why did the magician break up with his rabbit? It just wasn’t a hare-raising relationship.” – Bunny Heartbreaker

82. “I tried to learn magic, but all I could conjure was a headache.” – Failed Sorcerer’s Apprentice

83. “I asked the magician for his best trick. He disappeared without answering.” – Vanishing Vaudevillian

84. “Why did the bat go to the dentist? It had bat breath!” – Dental Daredevil

85. “I told the bat it was too dark in here. It didn’t bat an eye.” – Unfazed Flapper

86. “Why did the bat join a baseball team? It was a great hitter!” – Batting Batman

87. “I asked the bat if it was going to the Halloween party. It said, ‘I’m all ears!'” – Winged Jester

88. “Why did the bat become a detective? It had a nose for clues!” – Sleuthing Chiropteran

89. “I tried to teach my bat to play a musical instrument. It didn’t have the right wing-span.” – Musical Maven

90. “What’s a bat’s favorite dessert? Fruit fly pie!” – Culinary Connoisseur

91. “I asked the bat if it believed in ghosts. It said, ‘I’m blind, not oblivious!'” – Perceptive Pteropus

92. “Witches brew delight,
In a cauldron full of laughs,
Spelling jokes all night.” – Haiku Sorceress

93. “Ghosts in Moonlit Dance,
Cracking jokes among the graves,
Spectral mirth enchants.” – Graveyard Humorist

94. “Pumpkin grins so wide,
Laughs echo in the moonlight,
Jack-O’-Jester’s pride.” – Jovial Jack-O’

95. “Monsters play charades,
Roaring laughter fills the air,
Nightmares in parades.” – Monster Mimic

Wickedly Wise Halloween Quotes

Wickedly Wise Halloween Quotes

96. “In the witching hour, wisdom takes flight on a broomstick of wit.” – Sage Sorcerer

97. “Ghosts teach us that laughter lingers long afterlife.” – Ethereal Educator

98. “Pumpkin wisdom: It’s okay to be a little patchy; it adds character!” – Enlightened Gourd

99. “Monsters remind us that the scariest thing is a day without laughter.” – Monster Philosopher

100. “I cast a spell to turn all my problems into pumpkins. Now my life is a pumpkin patch.” – Pumpkin Sorcerer

101. “Why did the wizard open a bakery? His spells were turning people into doughnuts!” – Doughnut Enchanter

102. “I asked the witch if she believed in love at first sight. She said, ‘Of course, I’ve put spells on people!'” – Love-Potioned Enchantress

103. “I tried to make my own magic wand, but it just turned out to be a stick. Now I’m a wizard of forestry!” – Wand Wannabe

104. “Why did the skeleton go to the comedy club? To tickle its funny bone!” – Skeletal Stand-Up

105. “The ghost comedian’s jokes are so good; they make your hair stand on end. Even if you’re bald.” – Hairy Humorist

106. “Why did the zombie join the circus? It wanted to improve its dead-lift!” – Circus Corpse

107. “I tried to tell a scary story, but the audience fell asleep. Now I’m a snooze ghost.” – Drowsy Storyteller

Petrifying Poetry Halloween Quotes

108. “In the graveyard’s hush,
Whispers of the undead,
Haiku’s eerie blush.” – Graveyard Bard

109. “Moonlight shadows dance,
Ghosts compose verses of fright,
Halloween’s own trance.” – Spectral Poet

110. “Witch’s rhyme takes flight,
Spelling verses in the dark,
Magic in each byte.” – Rhyming Enchantress

111. “Vampire’s silent verse,
Blood-red lines on pale paper,
Night’s poetic hearse.” – Versifier of the Night

111. “Why did the skeleton apply for a modeling job? It had the perfect figure!” – Fashionable Bones

112. “I asked the zombie about its fashion sense. It said, ‘I like my clothes with a side of brains!'” – Stylish Corpse

113. “Witch’s wardrobe tip: Black goes with everything, especially cat hair.” – Fashion Maven

114. “I tried to wear a costume that reflected my personality. I went as a confused chameleon.” – Costume Chameleon

115. “Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? It had a field day with jokes!” – Jocular Guardian

116. “I planted ghost peppers in my garden. Now my veggies are hauntingly spicy!” – Fiery Farmer

117. “The zombie tried gardening but kept digging up old problems. Now it’s in therapy.” – Soil Seeker

118. “Why did the pumpkin turn red in the garden? It saw the salad dressing!” – Blushing Botanist

Witty Witchcraft Halloween Quotes

Witty Witchcraft Halloween Quotes

119. “Witch’s advice: When life gives you lemons, turn them into frogs and have a hopping good time!” – Amphibious Alchemist

120. “I asked the witch for a love potion. She gave me a bottle of self-confidence. Close enough!” – Self-Esteem Sorceress

121. “Why did the witch become a stand-up comedian? She had a wicked sense of humor!” – Comedic Conjurer

122. “I tried to make a potion for eternal youth. Now I’m stuck at the age of awkwardness.” – Youthful Yuckster

123. “Ghostly etiquette tip: Always knock before haunting. No one likes a surprise spook!” – Polite Poltergeist

124. “Why did the vampire host a dinner party? It wanted to show some fang-tastic hospitality!” – Hospitable Hemophage

125. “Mummy’s manners: Always wrap up your conversations politely!” – Courteous Cadaver

126. “I asked the zombie about table manners. It said, ‘I like my meals to be finger food!'” – Dining Dead

127. “Why did the crypt keeper get into fashion design? It knew how to make a killer outfit!” – Stylish Steward

128. “I asked the skeleton about its Halloween costume. It said, ‘I’m just here for the bare essentials!'” – Minimalist Marrow

129. “Ghostly fashion advice: When in doubt, add more sheets!” – Textile Terror

130. “Why did the werewolf wear sunglasses to the costume party? To keep an eye on the full moon!” – Lunar Lycanthrope

131. “Why did the werewolf open a restaurant? He wanted to serve hair-raising dishes!” – Culinary Lycan

132. “I made a ghost-shaped cake for Halloween. It disappeared faster than my willpower on cheat day!” – Cake Conjuror

133. “Why did the zombie go to culinary school? It wanted to learn how to serve a mean ‘brain’ dish!” – Culinary Corpse

134. “I tried to make a potion with candy corn. Now I have a sugary elixir for spooky sweetness!” – Confectionery Chemist

Wicked Wordplay Halloween Quotes

135. “Why did the skeleton break up with the ghost? It needed someone with a bit more substance!” – Wordy Wraith

136. “I told my pumpkin a joke, and it laughed so hard, it became a jack-o’-giggler!” – Laughing Lantern

137. “Why did the vampire start a podcast? It wanted to talk about life after death!” – Undead Broadcaster

138. “I asked the ghost to read my book. It said, ‘I can’t put it down – literally!'” – Literary Specter

139. “Wizard’s confession: My favorite spell is the one that turns coffee into motivation!” – Caffeinated Conjurer

140. “I asked the witch for a magic trick. She turned me into a pumpkin. Now I’m a squash of surprise!” – Unexpected Enchantress

141. “Why did the magician become a gardener? He was great at pulling rabbits out of hats, but vegetables were a challenge!” – Horticultural Houdini

142. “I tried to cast a spell to make all my chores disappear. Now my house is haunted by unfinished tasks!” – Bewitched Homemaker

143. “Wizard’s philosophy: Life is short – use magic!” – Philosophical Magician

144. “I asked the wizard if he believed in fate. He said, ‘No, but I’m a big fan of spell-check!'” – 145. Grammarian Magus

“Why did the wizard refuse to play cards? He was afraid of the deck being stacked against him!” – Card Conjurer

146. “I tried to make a love potion, but it turned out to be a potion for self-love. Now I’m my own biggest fan!” – Self-Admiring Sorcerer

147. “Why did the ghost join the chess club? It wanted to master the art of disappearing!” – Chessboard Phantom

148. “I played hide and seek with the zombie. It won – or maybe it just forgot we were playing!” – Forgetful Challenger

149. “Why did the vampire join the Scrabble tournament? It had a way with fang-guage!” – Lexical Hemophage

150. “I challenged the mummy to a race. It said, ‘Wrap up warm; this could take a while!'” – Bandaged Competitor

151. “I asked the witch for a spell to make my hair grow faster. Now I’m hiding from the ceiling fan!” – Hairy Enchantress

152. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? The drinks were on the house!” – Ladder-Carrying Magician

153. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said my broomstick was on the wrong end!” – Broomstick Newbie

154. “I asked the witch for her WiFi password. She said, ‘Get your own broomstick!'” – Magical Networker

155. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Mystic Mixologist

156. “I told the witch to make me look younger. She turned me into a baby. I should have been more specific!” – Regressed Requester

157. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said I didn’t have enough magic. Now I’m a disillusioned dabbler.” – Disappointed Apprentice

158. “I asked the wizard for his best trick. He disappeared without answering. Now that’s magic!” – Vanishing Vaudevillian

159. “Witch’s wisdom: Broomsticks may fly, but they can’t navigate relationships!” – Relationship Sage

160. “Ghosts teach us that laughter lingers long afterlife, and so does the ghostly smell of ectoplasmic popcorn!” – Haunting Humorist

161. “Pumpkin wisdom: It’s okay to be a little patchy; it adds character! Just like a good plot twist!” – Literary Lantern

162. “Monsters remind us that the scariest thing is a day without laughter or coffee. Preferably both!” – Caffeinated Creature

Mystical Merriment Halloween Quotes

Mystical Merriment Halloween Quotes

163. “Why did the enchanted broom attend the party? It wanted to sweep everyone off their feet with its magical moves!” – Charmed Cleaner

164. “I asked the wizard for a spell to make Mondays disappear. Now every day is enchanted, and I’ve lost track of time!” – Chronologically Confused

165. “Why did the sorceress open a bakery? She wanted to create spell-binding pastries that whisk you away to a world of sweetness!” – Magical Baker

166. “I tried to make a potion for courage. Now I’m fearless when it comes to trying new ice cream flavors!” – Fearless Flavor Explorer

167. “Why did the pumpkin attend therapy? It needed to squash its emotional issues before Halloween!” – Therapeutic Gourd

168. “I asked my pumpkin for life advice. It said, ‘Stay well-rounded, and don’t be afraid to let your light shine!'” – Illuminated Adviser

169. “Why did the gourd become a motivational speaker? It had a knack for lifting spirits and inspiring seasonal transformations!” – Inspirational Squash

170. “I told my pumpkin a secret, and it promised to keep it under wraps. Now I have a trusty confidant!” – Confidential Cucurbit

171. “Why did the witch become a meteorologist? She wanted to brew up a storm forecast and predict a spell-binding weather pattern!” – Weather Witch

172. “I asked the wizard about the weather. He said, ‘I can’t control the weather, but I can cast a spell to make it more interesting!'” – Enchanted Forecaster

173. “Why did the ghost avoid rainy days? It didn’t want to get wet – ghostly apparitions don’t mix well with raindrops!” – Rain-Averse Spirit

174. “I tried to ask the vampire about climate change. I

Short Hallo

175. First into the brew are some short Halloween quotes, the kind that is perfect for sharing with friends.

176. “Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October’s days.”

177. “Something wicked this way comes.”
William Shakespeare

178. “The farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we’ve come to need Halloween.”
Paula Guran

179. It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”

180. “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
L.M. Montgomery

181. “It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus!”
Hocus Pocus

182. “They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folks.”

183. “For some of us, Halloween is every day.”
Tim Burton

184. “A mask tells us more than a face.”
Oscar Wilde

185. “I got a rock.”
It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Cute Halloween Quote

186. “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”
Erma Bombeck

187. “When witches go riding,
And black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers
‘Tis near Halloween.”

188. “On Halloween, what bothers some
About these witches, is how come
In sailing, through the air, like bats
They never seem, to lose their hats?”
David McCord

189. “On Hallowe’en the thing you must do
Is pretending that nothing can frighten you
And if somethin’ scares you and you want to run
Just let on like it’s Hallowe’en fun.”

190. “From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-legged beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!”
Traditional Scottish Poem

191. “Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’”
Rita Rudner

192. “All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there’s a ton of it leftover.”
Lewis Black

193. “Who made the rule that everybody has to dress like sheep 364 days of the year? Think of all the people you’d meet if they were in costume every day. People would be so much easier to talk to – like talking to dogs.”
Douglas Coupland

194. “Whoever thought a tiny candy bar should be called fun size was a moron.”
Glenn Beck

Spooky Halloween Quotes

Finally, we add something creepy to this witches’ brew. If you want to spice things up further, see this list of the scariest quotes of all time.

195. “There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.”

196. “Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite,
All are on their rounds tonight;
In the wan moon’s silver ray,
Thrives their helter-skelter play.”
Joel Benton

197. “Bring forth the raisins and the nuts-
Tonight All-Hallows’ Spectre struts
Along the moonlit way.”
John Kendrick Bangs

198. “At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below.”
Theodosia Garrison

199. “Tis the night – the night
Of the grave’s delight,
And the warlocks are at their play;
Ye think that without,
The wild winds shout,
But no, it is they – it is they!”
Cleveland Coxe

200. “Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen,
Voices whisper in the trees, Tonight is Halloween!”
Dexter Kozen


Halloween is a time for seizing the spooky, the mysterious, and the fun. And what better way to do so than by perfecting your English language skills?

From crafting chilling party invitations to setting the eerie mood with banners and signs, sending festive greetings, and sharing heartfelt card messages, you have a multitude of ways to enhance your English proficiency while celebrating this enchanting holiday.

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