200 Spooky and Funny Halloween Quotes
“Halloween Quotes“
Whether you’re looking for some spooky song lyrics or the best lines from classic Halloween movies (think Halloweentown, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and more), you’ll find all the best Halloween quotes here. And, of course, we’ve included lots of memorable lines from famous authors too, from Stephen King to Shakespeare.
Some of these quotes are scary, some are cute, and some are funny. They’re all inspirational and sure to put you in the mood for a spooky good time as the end of October nears. So read on—you’ll be in a Halloween kind of mood before you know it.
Witchy Wisdom Halloween Quotes
1. “I’m not a witch, I just have a broomstick on my license.” – Unknown
2. “Why did the witch go to the party? To scare up some fun!” – Anonymous
3. “Being a witch is all about embracing your inner basic.” – Sarah Sanderson
4. “My broomstick runs on coffee, just like me.” – Witchy Brewster
5. “Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits!” – Casper the Friendly Ghost
6. “I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed – just like a ghost!” – Snoozy Spooker
7. “If you’ve got it, haunt it!” – Boo Radley
8. “Why did the ghost go to the party? To boo-gie down!” – Unknown
9. “Why did the ghost go to the pumpkin patch? It heard they were raising spirits!” – Haunting Harvester
10. “I told my pumpkin it was a maize-ing. It blushed, and now I have a bashful gourd!” – Modest Melon
11. “Why did the pumpkin get invited to all the parties? It had the best gourd-met sense!” – Party Pumpkin
12. “I asked the pumpkin to dance. It said, ‘I’m better at sitting still – it’s a squash thing!'” – Rhythmic Gourd
Pumpkin Puns Halloween Quotes
13. “I’m just here for the boos!” – Jack O’Lantern
14. “What do you get if you drop a pumpkin? Squash!” – Pumpkin Humorist
15. “My love life is like a pumpkin – gourd-geous but a little patchy.” – Love-Lorn Pumpkin
16. “Why did the pumpkin turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!” – Vegetable Comedian
17. “Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!” – Unknown
18. “I’m friends with all monsters – except my alarm clock.” – Monster Insomniac
19. “What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.” – Theatre-Loving Monster
20. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Frank N. Stein
21. “Why did the candy corn refuse to fight? It’s all about peace, love, and sugary sweetness!” – Pacifist Candy Corn
22. “Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that’s never been advertised. And there’s a reason.” – Lewis Black
23. “I’m on the candy corn diet – I see candy, and I eat it!” – Sugar Fiend
24. “Candy corn is proof that the world is a colorful place.” – Unknown
Spooky Stand-Up Halloween Quotes
25. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Punny Jester
26. “Why did the vampire read the newspaper? To keep up with current blood events!” – Comic Bloodsucker
27. “I used to be a werewolf, but I’m much better nooooow!” – Recovered Lycanthrope
28. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!” – Ghostwriter
Haunted House Hilarity Halloween Quotes
29. “Why did the ghost go to therapy? To work on its haunting issues.” – Dr. Spooky Therapist
30. “I decorated my house for Halloween with cobwebs. Now the spiders think we’re roommates.” – Arachno-Roomie
31. “My house is haunted by an anti-social ghost. It never wants to go out and scare people with me.” – Lonely Poltergeist
32. “I scream, you scream, we all scream when we see a spider!” – Scaredy-Cat Ghost
33. “Why do mummies make excellent secret agents? They’re good at keeping things under wraps!” – Mummy Agent
34. “I wanted to be a vampire for Halloween, but my mom told me I was a pain in the neck already.” – Teenage Vamp
35. “I’m dressing up as a cat for Halloween. It’s the purr-fect disguise!” – Kitty Trickster
36. “My costume is so scary, even my reflection is hiding!” – Costume Phantom
37. “I’m not saying your house is haunted, but your ceiling keeps telling me to run.” – Paranormal Trickster
38. “Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.” – Mummified Jester
39. “I’m not afraid of werewolves or vampires. It’s the neighbor’s dog that scares me.” – Canine Critic
40. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders.” – Arachnophobic Trickster
Zombie Zingers Halloween Quotes
41. “Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his dead-ucation!” – Undead Scholar
42. “I tried to make a zombie joke, but it died.” – Punderful Zombie
43. “Zombies are so considerate – they always leave a tip, usually a finger.” – Ghoul Gourmet
44. “Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny!” – Comedic Corpse
45. “Witches be like, ‘I’ll put a spell on you, but first, coffee.'” – Caffeinated Enchantress
46. “I asked a witch for her WiFi password. She said, ‘Get your own broomstick!'” – Magical Networker
47. “Being a witch is all fun and games until someone turns you into a newt.” – Newt-in-Waiting
48. “I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode – like a witch on vacation.” – Spellbound Sloth
49. “Why did the ghost apply for a job? He heard it was a dead-end job!” – Phantom Job Seeker
50. “I asked the ghost if it believed in life after death. It said, ‘No, but I believe in free boo-ty calls!'” – Casanova Ghost
51. “What’s a ghost’s favorite room in the house? The living room!” – Ghostly Realtor
52. “I tried to write a ghost story, but it didn’t have enough spirit.” – Spiritless Storyteller
Enchanted Euphoria Halloween Quotes
53. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Mystical Mixologist
54. “I told the wizard to make me look younger. He turned me into a baby. I should
55. “Why did the wizard refuse to play hide and seek? He always felt too transparent about his hiding spots!” – Vanishing Virtuoso
56. “I asked the wizard for a light snack. Now my snack is glowing in the dark!” – Illuminated Epicure
57. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said I didn’t have enough magic. Now I’m disenchanted.” – Failed Apprentice
58. “Why did the wizard get kicked out of school? He couldn’t spell!” – Spelling Sorcerer
59. “I told my family I wanted a scary costume. They handed me a mirror.” – Family Comedian
60. “Why did the mummy take his bandages to family therapy? To unwrap his issues!” – Bandaged Brood
61. “I asked my dad if he believes in ghosts. He said, ‘Only when your mom is looking for something!'” – Parental Poltergeist
62. “My family is so spooky; even our skeletons have skeletons!” – Skeleton-in-the-Closet Clan
63. “Why did the werewolf start a band? He had a howling good voice!” – Musical Lycanthrope
64. “I tried to be friends with a werewolf, but he said I wasn’t his type. Apparently, he prefers the B-positive crowd.” – Blood Type Critic
66. “What do you call a werewolf with no sense of humor? A grumble-wolf.” – Grumpy Growler
67. “I asked the werewolf if he was going to the Halloween party. He said he couldn’t decide – it’s a howl lot of work!” – Indecisive Lycan
Creepy Cuisine Halloween Quotes
68. “I made a cake for Halloween. It’s called ‘Count Chocula’s Nightmare’ – one bite, and you’re scared for life!” – Culinary Conjurer
69. “I tried to make a skeleton-shaped cake, but it came out looking like a blob. Now it’s a spooky amoeba.” – Baking Boo-Boo
70. “I asked the chef for a Halloween special. He handed me a broomstick and said, ‘Sweepstakes winner!'” – Culinary Comedian
71. “Why did the tomato turn into a pumpkin? It wanted to be a jack-o’-lantern!” – Veggie Transformationist
72. “Why do vampires seem sick? They always have coffin fits!” – Dracul-achoo!
73. “I asked the vampire if he wanted to go for a drink. He said, ‘No thanks, I’ve already got a Bloody Mary!'” – Mixologist of the Night
74. “Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Stakeholders were too much trouble.” – Ethical Drinker
75. “I tried to tell a vampire joke, but it was a pain in the neck.” – Neckache-Inducing Humorist
76. “I told my mummy I wanted to be glamorous for Halloween. Now I’m wrapped in sequins.” – Sequined Specter
77. “Why did the fashionista ghost go to the party? To show off her boo-tiful outfit!” – Stylish Spirit
78. “I put on so much makeup for Halloween that even my mirror screamed.” – Cosmetic Casper
79. “I asked the zombie about his fashion sense. He said, ‘I like my clothes a bit dead.'” – Fashionably Undead
Hocus Pocus Humor Halloween Quotes
80. “I asked the magician if he could make my student loans disappear. He vanished.” – Debt Disappearing Act
81. “Why did the magician break up with his rabbit? It just wasn’t a hare-raising relationship.” – Bunny Heartbreaker
82. “I tried to learn magic, but all I could conjure was a headache.” – Failed Sorcerer’s Apprentice
83. “I asked the magician for his best trick. He disappeared without answering.” – Vanishing Vaudevillian
84. “Why did the bat go to the dentist? It had bat breath!” – Dental Daredevil
85. “I told the bat it was too dark in here. It didn’t bat an eye.” – Unfazed Flapper
86. “Why did the bat join a baseball team? It was a great hitter!” – Batting Batman
87. “I asked the bat if it was going to the Halloween party. It said, ‘I’m all ears!'” – Winged Jester
88. “Why did the bat become a detective? It had a nose for clues!” – Sleuthing Chiropteran
89. “I tried to teach my bat to play a musical instrument. It didn’t have the right wing-span.” – Musical Maven
90. “What’s a bat’s favorite dessert? Fruit fly pie!” – Culinary Connoisseur
91. “I asked the bat if it believed in ghosts. It said, ‘I’m blind, not oblivious!'” – Perceptive Pteropus
92. “Witches brew delight,
In a cauldron full of laughs,
Spelling jokes all night.” – Haiku Sorceress
93. “Ghosts in Moonlit Dance,
Cracking jokes among the graves,
Spectral mirth enchants.” – Graveyard Humorist
94. “Pumpkin grins so wide,
Laughs echo in the moonlight,
Jack-O’-Jester’s pride.” – Jovial Jack-O’
95. “Monsters play charades,
Roaring laughter fills the air,
Nightmares in parades.” – Monster Mimic
Wickedly Wise Halloween Quotes
96. “In the witching hour, wisdom takes flight on a broomstick of wit.” – Sage Sorcerer
97. “Ghosts teach us that laughter lingers long afterlife.” – Ethereal Educator
98. “Pumpkin wisdom: It’s okay to be a little patchy; it adds character!” – Enlightened Gourd
99. “Monsters remind us that the scariest thing is a day without laughter.” – Monster Philosopher
100. “I cast a spell to turn all my problems into pumpkins. Now my life is a pumpkin patch.” – Pumpkin Sorcerer
101. “Why did the wizard open a bakery? His spells were turning people into doughnuts!” – Doughnut Enchanter
102. “I asked the witch if she believed in love at first sight. She said, ‘Of course, I’ve put spells on people!'” – Love-Potioned Enchantress
103. “I tried to make my own magic wand, but it just turned out to be a stick. Now I’m a wizard of forestry!” – Wand Wannabe
104. “Why did the skeleton go to the comedy club? To tickle its funny bone!” – Skeletal Stand-Up
105. “The ghost comedian’s jokes are so good; they make your hair stand on end. Even if you’re bald.” – Hairy Humorist
106. “Why did the zombie join the circus? It wanted to improve its dead-lift!” – Circus Corpse
107. “I tried to tell a scary story, but the audience fell asleep. Now I’m a snooze ghost.” – Drowsy Storyteller
Petrifying Poetry Halloween Quotes
108. “In the graveyard’s hush,
Whispers of the undead,
Haiku’s eerie blush.” – Graveyard Bard
109. “Moonlight shadows dance,
Ghosts compose verses of fright,
Halloween’s own trance.” – Spectral Poet
110. “Witch’s rhyme takes flight,
Spelling verses in the dark,
Magic in each byte.” – Rhyming Enchantress
111. “Vampire’s silent verse,
Blood-red lines on pale paper,
Night’s poetic hearse.” – Versifier of the Night
111. “Why did the skeleton apply for a modeling job? It had the perfect figure!” – Fashionable Bones
112. “I asked the zombie about its fashion sense. It said, ‘I like my clothes with a side of brains!'” – Stylish Corpse
113. “Witch’s wardrobe tip: Black goes with everything, especially cat hair.” – Fashion Maven
114. “I tried to wear a costume that reflected my personality. I went as a confused chameleon.” – Costume Chameleon
115. “Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? It had a field day with jokes!” – Jocular Guardian
116. “I planted ghost peppers in my garden. Now my veggies are hauntingly spicy!” – Fiery Farmer
117. “The zombie tried gardening but kept digging up old problems. Now it’s in therapy.” – Soil Seeker
118. “Why did the pumpkin turn red in the garden? It saw the salad dressing!” – Blushing Botanist
Witty Witchcraft Halloween Quotes
119. “Witch’s advice: When life gives you lemons, turn them into frogs and have a hopping good time!” – Amphibious Alchemist
120. “I asked the witch for a love potion. She gave me a bottle of self-confidence. Close enough!” – Self-Esteem Sorceress
121. “Why did the witch become a stand-up comedian? She had a wicked sense of humor!” – Comedic Conjurer
122. “I tried to make a potion for eternal youth. Now I’m stuck at the age of awkwardness.” – Youthful Yuckster
123. “Ghostly etiquette tip: Always knock before haunting. No one likes a surprise spook!” – Polite Poltergeist
124. “Why did the vampire host a dinner party? It wanted to show some fang-tastic hospitality!” – Hospitable Hemophage
125. “Mummy’s manners: Always wrap up your conversations politely!” – Courteous Cadaver
126. “I asked the zombie about table manners. It said, ‘I like my meals to be finger food!'” – Dining Dead
127. “Why did the crypt keeper get into fashion design? It knew how to make a killer outfit!” – Stylish Steward
128. “I asked the skeleton about its Halloween costume. It said, ‘I’m just here for the bare essentials!'” – Minimalist Marrow
129. “Ghostly fashion advice: When in doubt, add more sheets!” – Textile Terror
130. “Why did the werewolf wear sunglasses to the costume party? To keep an eye on the full moon!” – Lunar Lycanthrope
131. “Why did the werewolf open a restaurant? He wanted to serve hair-raising dishes!” – Culinary Lycan
132. “I made a ghost-shaped cake for Halloween. It disappeared faster than my willpower on cheat day!” – Cake Conjuror
133. “Why did the zombie go to culinary school? It wanted to learn how to serve a mean ‘brain’ dish!” – Culinary Corpse
134. “I tried to make a potion with candy corn. Now I have a sugary elixir for spooky sweetness!” – Confectionery Chemist
Wicked Wordplay Halloween Quotes
135. “Why did the skeleton break up with the ghost? It needed someone with a bit more substance!” – Wordy Wraith
136. “I told my pumpkin a joke, and it laughed so hard, it became a jack-o’-giggler!” – Laughing Lantern
137. “Why did the vampire start a podcast? It wanted to talk about life after death!” – Undead Broadcaster
138. “I asked the ghost to read my book. It said, ‘I can’t put it down – literally!'” – Literary Specter
139. “Wizard’s confession: My favorite spell is the one that turns coffee into motivation!” – Caffeinated Conjurer
140. “I asked the witch for a magic trick. She turned me into a pumpkin. Now I’m a squash of surprise!” – Unexpected Enchantress
141. “Why did the magician become a gardener? He was great at pulling rabbits out of hats, but vegetables were a challenge!” – Horticultural Houdini
142. “I tried to cast a spell to make all my chores disappear. Now my house is haunted by unfinished tasks!” – Bewitched Homemaker
143. “Wizard’s philosophy: Life is short – use magic!” – Philosophical Magician
144. “I asked the wizard if he believed in fate. He said, ‘No, but I’m a big fan of spell-check!'” – 145. Grammarian Magus
“Why did the wizard refuse to play cards? He was afraid of the deck being stacked against him!” – Card Conjurer
146. “I tried to make a love potion, but it turned out to be a potion for self-love. Now I’m my own biggest fan!” – Self-Admiring Sorcerer
147. “Why did the ghost join the chess club? It wanted to master the art of disappearing!” – Chessboard Phantom
148. “I played hide and seek with the zombie. It won – or maybe it just forgot we were playing!” – Forgetful Challenger
149. “Why did the vampire join the Scrabble tournament? It had a way with fang-guage!” – Lexical Hemophage
150. “I challenged the mummy to a race. It said, ‘Wrap up warm; this could take a while!'” – Bandaged Competitor
151. “I asked the witch for a spell to make my hair grow faster. Now I’m hiding from the ceiling fan!” – Hairy Enchantress
152. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? The drinks were on the house!” – Ladder-Carrying Magician
153. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said my broomstick was on the wrong end!” – Broomstick Newbie
154. “I asked the witch for her WiFi password. She said, ‘Get your own broomstick!'” – Magical Networker
155. “Why did the wizard bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!” – Mystic Mixologist
156. “I told the witch to make me look younger. She turned me into a baby. I should have been more specific!” – Regressed Requester
157. “I tried to join the wizardry club, but they said I didn’t have enough magic. Now I’m a disillusioned dabbler.” – Disappointed Apprentice
158. “I asked the wizard for his best trick. He disappeared without answering. Now that’s magic!” – Vanishing Vaudevillian
159. “Witch’s wisdom: Broomsticks may fly, but they can’t navigate relationships!” – Relationship Sage
160. “Ghosts teach us that laughter lingers long afterlife, and so does the ghostly smell of ectoplasmic popcorn!” – Haunting Humorist
161. “Pumpkin wisdom: It’s okay to be a little patchy; it adds character! Just like a good plot twist!” – Literary Lantern
162. “Monsters remind us that the scariest thing is a day without laughter or coffee. Preferably both!” – Caffeinated Creature
Mystical Merriment Halloween Quotes
163. “Why did the enchanted broom attend the party? It wanted to sweep everyone off their feet with its magical moves!” – Charmed Cleaner
164. “I asked the wizard for a spell to make Mondays disappear. Now every day is enchanted, and I’ve lost track of time!” – Chronologically Confused
165. “Why did the sorceress open a bakery? She wanted to create spell-binding pastries that whisk you away to a world of sweetness!” – Magical Baker
166. “I tried to make a potion for courage. Now I’m fearless when it comes to trying new ice cream flavors!” – Fearless Flavor Explorer
167. “Why did the pumpkin attend therapy? It needed to squash its emotional issues before Halloween!” – Therapeutic Gourd
168. “I asked my pumpkin for life advice. It said, ‘Stay well-rounded, and don’t be afraid to let your light shine!'” – Illuminated Adviser
169. “Why did the gourd become a motivational speaker? It had a knack for lifting spirits and inspiring seasonal transformations!” – Inspirational Squash
170. “I told my pumpkin a secret, and it promised to keep it under wraps. Now I have a trusty confidant!” – Confidential Cucurbit
171. “Why did the witch become a meteorologist? She wanted to brew up a storm forecast and predict a spell-binding weather pattern!” – Weather Witch
172. “I asked the wizard about the weather. He said, ‘I can’t control the weather, but I can cast a spell to make it more interesting!'” – Enchanted Forecaster
173. “Why did the ghost avoid rainy days? It didn’t want to get wet – ghostly apparitions don’t mix well with raindrops!” – Rain-Averse Spirit
174. “I tried to ask the vampire about climate change. I
Short Hallo
175. First into the brew are some short Halloween quotes, the kind that is perfect for sharing with friends.
176. “Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October’s days.”
Unknown
177. “Something wicked this way comes.”
William Shakespeare
178. “The farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we’ve come to need Halloween.”
Paula Guran
179. It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”
Halloween
180. “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
L.M. Montgomery
181. “It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus!”
Hocus Pocus
182. “They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folks.”
Unknown
183. “For some of us, Halloween is every day.”
Tim Burton
184. “A mask tells us more than a face.”
Oscar Wilde
185. “I got a rock.”
It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Cute Halloween Quote
186. “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”
Erma Bombeck
187. “When witches go riding,
And black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers
‘Tis near Halloween.”
Unknown
188. “On Halloween, what bothers some
About these witches, is how come
In sailing, through the air, like bats
They never seem, to lose their hats?”
David McCord
189. “On Hallowe’en the thing you must do
Is pretending that nothing can frighten you
And if somethin’ scares you and you want to run
Just let on like it’s Hallowe’en fun.”
Unknown
190. “From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-legged beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!”
Traditional Scottish Poem
191. “Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’”
Rita Rudner
192. “All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there’s a ton of it leftover.”
Lewis Black
193. “Who made the rule that everybody has to dress like sheep 364 days of the year? Think of all the people you’d meet if they were in costume every day. People would be so much easier to talk to – like talking to dogs.”
Douglas Coupland
194. “Whoever thought a tiny candy bar should be called fun size was a moron.”
Glenn Beck
Spooky Halloween Quotes
Finally, we add something creepy to this witches’ brew. If you want to spice things up further, see this list of the scariest quotes of all time.
195. “There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.”
Unknown
196. “Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite,
All are on their rounds tonight;
In the wan moon’s silver ray,
Thrives their helter-skelter play.”
Joel Benton
197. “Bring forth the raisins and the nuts-
Tonight All-Hallows’ Spectre struts
Along the moonlit way.”
John Kendrick Bangs
198. “At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below.”
Theodosia Garrison
199. “Tis the night – the night
Of the grave’s delight,
And the warlocks are at their play;
Ye think that without,
The wild winds shout,
But no, it is they – it is they!”
Cleveland Coxe
200. “Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen,
Voices whisper in the trees, Tonight is Halloween!”
Dexter Kozen
Conclusion
Halloween is a time for seizing the spooky, the mysterious, and the fun. And what better way to do so than by perfecting your English language skills?
From crafting chilling party invitations to setting the eerie mood with banners and signs, sending festive greetings, and sharing heartfelt card messages, you have a multitude of ways to enhance your English proficiency while celebrating this enchanting holiday.
