Suck Out the Bad blood and Chuckle to these Draculous Vampire Puns.
Vampire Puns: Not all of us get all scared and spooked about horrors. Vampires to some are just a fictional make up. We might get a good laugh from them as well. Vampire puns are good to relief our dread. Have some fun with these vampire puns.
Gory Vampire Puns
Feed on these raw vampire puns and nourish your viens.
A vampire can’t be a comedian. They just aren’t funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
I met the child of a snowman and a vampire. He was suffering from a serious case of frostbite
If you’re wondering if someone’s become a vampire, there’s an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
There’s a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
I’d advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Vampires tend to stay away from Taylor Swift. I’ve been told it’s because she has bad blood.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place – Forever 21.
Vampires tend to drink Blood Light, but only from a longneck bottle.
Don’t get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
I hope you have a bloody good Halloween!
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don’t think they’re funny, but it’s probably to do with them being pun-dead.
You are just my blood type.
I hope you have a fang-tastic Halloween!
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
If you want to kill a French vampire, you will need to stab him with a baguette. It’s pretty painstaking if you ask me.
One thing you won’t catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
It totally sucks to be me.
I felt stupid dressing up on Halloween after I’d turned 13. I thought people might say I was a little bit long on the tooth to still be pretending to be a vampire.
Vampires hate the sea because it’s salty. They much prefer to go fishing in the blood stream.
The other day I got really down, and felt like I totally sucked. A vampire cheered me up though, he told me we all get drained every now and again.
Fang you very much.
I fell out with my best friend because he didn’t invite me to his Halloween party. I hope it sucks.
I’ve always been a little bit batty.
Fangs for the memories.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn’t his type.
On reflection, vampires aren’t actually that scary.
Once I invited 10 vampires over for a dinner party. I made the fatal mistake and put garlic in the dressing. People are calling it Buffet The Vampire Slayer.
Vampires hate peaches, but they love neck-tarines.
A vampire’s torch never runs out of juice. They have an unlimited supply of bat-teries.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
My friend was caught stealing from our local shop while sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
I know an old man who’s a vampire. He’s quite long in the tooth.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don’t need to ask what he wants to drink. He’ll have a Bloodweiser.
I just did a DNA test and found out I’m a vampire. I’m so ashamed, I can’t even look in the mirror.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can’t deal with the stakeholders.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can’t handle the stakes.
Vampires always seem like they’re ill. It’s probably because they’re always coffin.
Vampires don’t often eat fruit, but when they do they like a blood orange best.
My friend who’s a vampire was depressed. I told him to drink B positive.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn’t faulty or anything, he just said he couldn’t see himself using it.
Bloody Vampire Pun Dialogues
These spooky chats and ripe off your fears.
What did Dracula’s victim say as he sank his teeth into her neck? Well, this sucks!
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes? Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission? They forgot to Count Dracula!
What do you say to someone who refuses to believe their friend is a vampire? Wake up and smell the coffin!
Why aren’t vampires allowed to work for Uber or Lyft? Because they drive everyone batty!
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula? Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
What do you call it when a vampire loses track of his coffin? A grave situation!
How do you beat a vampire at poker? Raise the stakes!
Why do vampires always dress so nice? Because they’re so vein!
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle? Don’t you ever cross me!
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best? Vein-illa!
How can you tell if someone has contracted vampirism? They’re always coffin!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches? Better luck necks time!
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs? Because they were sunny side up!
What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage? Fang you, fang you very much!
Why did the vampire hunter puncture her bottle of Aquafina? Because she heard vampires were repelled by holey water!
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires? They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!