12 Ways That Toxic Relationship Can Be Healed 2020 Update.
Toxic relationships: We all stumble into one sooner or later. Many individuals break ties and walk away if it is a relationship that turns toxic. We also find ways to deal with or stop or both if it’s a toxic family member.
In today’s vocabulary, the word “toxic relationship” is fairly ubiquitous, but if it is a part of your partnership, it should not be normalized.
What happens when the relationship you have with the guy you love turns toxic? The guy you love is much more difficult to stop than your annoying relative.
Cutting ties and just walking away can also be even more complicated than it would be with a relationship.
Often we want to know, we need to know, that before we walk away from a relationship, we did what we could. So consider trying these before you walk out the door.
Things to know to heal a toxic relationship
Understand Whether the Relationship Actually Can Be Fixed
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
It will require each of you to examine your actions and do inner work. If you or your partner is not willing to truly put in the effort, the relationship will not change and should be ended.
Use your Voice
Often in toxic relationships, you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner, which over time can build up resentment.
If you feel anxiety about communicating something to your partner because you’re afraid of their response, take note. In a relationship, it’s essential you feel relaxed and that you are able to be yourself and bring up concerns as they come up.
Remind Yourself How Much You Love Him, and Why
Sit down, alone, with a notebook and take stock of your relationship. Write down all the reasons you love your significant other. Often as our relationships turn toxic drama, hurt, and anger become the things we focus on.
So remind yourself why you are there, what makes him the man you fell in love with. Focusing on the good can help put things into perspective, and wash away some of the not so good feelings that likely have become both you and your man’s focus.
Identify and Accept Your Part In The Issues
Yes, you have a part in this too. And the easiest person to fix, is the one person you actually can, yourself. Even if your relationship fails, realizing and accepting your part in the problems in this relationship will help you in future ones.
It isn’t always easy to step back and look at things objectively. However, if you want to heal yourself or your relationship you need to step back from your emotions and identify what your part might be in all the issues.
When in doubt, ask someone close to you, preferably someone blunt, likely they can tell you what they may have noticed.
You Are Responsible For Your Emotions And Reactions
I know, he did something jerky, or said something mean, or forgot something. No matter what he did, you are responsible for your own emotions and reactions. (Don’t worry this rule runs both ways.) Often arguments in a toxic relationship spiral downward as both people get wrapped up in reacting with their emotions first.
Yes someone said something to kick the fight off, but when we react by flinging it right back at them instead of focusing on the issue that started it all, arguments often turn into a tit for tat of hurtful comments and angry accusations.
It takes time and effort to learn to not react with emotion, but when you choose not to escalate the situation, the chance for a healthy conversation increases.
You Are Not Responsible For His Emotions and Reactions
I am not saying you are in the clear to hurl every insult in the book and then say, “Hey, if you’re hurt or mad that’s on you.”
What I am saying is that sometimes we apologize just to end the fight. Sometimes we blame ourselves even when deep down we know were really trying to just be open and honest. When you are staying calm and being open and honest, that doesn’t mean that the things you say or do might not anger or hurt the man you love.
If he reacts with toxic spew, not only should you not react with toxicity back, but you shouldn’t feel blame yourself. We are all responsible for our own behavior; he can’t make you do anything and you can’t make him either.
Have the Hard Conversation
So you have sat back and thought about things, you know why you love him, you have accepted your part, you have taken time to make note of the things you do to contribute to the toxicity.
Now it is time to have the hard conversation, to talk calmly, openly, and honestly with the man you love. Let him know all the things you have taken stock of. Let him know that even though the relationship has turned toxic that you want to fix it, together.
This isn’t about listing off all the things he does wrong, this is about the two of you really talking about what has gone wrong in the relationship you are both a part of.
This will likely be the first time you really have to work to change old habits of descending into negativity.
But, if you want to fix things, this is the moment when you need to be your calmest, kindest, and most honest. He can’t begin to work on his part of things if he doesn’t know what that part is.
Be Willing to Walk Away
“Before you attempt to confront a toxic partner, make sure your self-esteem and self-confidence are good enough for you to know that you will be all right if they end the relationship with you, or if you end up having to end it with them.
If you’re not there yet, seek support,” trauma counselor Mily Gomez, LPC, tells mbg. “If you want to improve your relationship with a toxic partner, you have to be willing to leave that relationship if nothing changes.
When you are unwilling to do so, your partner will ultimately know that regardless of what they do, you really won’t leave.”
This Is Not an Overnight Fix
Relationships turn toxic slowly; they get better just as slowly. Do not go to bed one night and expect to wake up the next day to song birds.
It took time to fall into bad habits; it will take time and work to create good ones. At first, you will need to really work at not reacting like you used to.
He will too, so be patient. But, every time you choose not to go back to toxic habits it will become easier. And it will make it easier for him to go back to being the man you knew.
Seek out Help
“Someone can recognize a toxic relationship if one or both partners feel worse about themselves when they’re in the relationship. It can be self-worth, confidence, or body image,” Li says.
Being around them doesn’t feel stable; in fact, you feel like you live in a constant state of unease of trying to be better to feel good enough.
Be ok with having Uncomfortable Conversations.
Gomez points out that toxic relationships tend to be filled with little white lies—on both sides. If your partner tends to have caustic reactions when things don’t go their way or when you disagree, you may have gotten used to simply telling them what they want to hear because you “don’t want to waste time explaining the truth.”
But healthy relationships are two-way street, and honesty is paramount for you to meaningfully connect with your partner.