Witty Quotes

200+ Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

– Witty Quotes –

Looking for a way to bring out the wit in you? Check out these witty quotes for a motivating boost as well as a dose of levity.

Witty Quotes

Comedy has a way of helping us understand we’re all going through the same things in this crazy world, whether it’s a play on words, an amusing comment on ordinary occurrences, or old witty sayings.

“So true!” you’ll exclaim as you read these witty quotes about work, love, friends, and family. Others will make you reminisce about funny, meme-worthy movies and television scenes.

Funny Witty Quotes Sarcastic Quotes

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”—Mitch Hedberg

2. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.”—Stanley Hudson, The Office

3. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”—Will Rogers

4.”All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.”—Mark Twain

5. “You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.”—Zig Ziglar

6. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”—Sarah Brown

7. “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.”—Marcelene Cox

8. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”―Charles Lamb

9. “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”―Jerome K. Jerome

10. “I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”—Joan Rivers

Witty Quotes About Life

11. “Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?”—Phyllis Diller

12. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”—Oscar Wilde

13. “So this is my life — until I win the lottery.”—Jim Halpert, The Office

14. “An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.”—Michael Scott, The Office

15. “Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”—Jim Halpert, The Office

16. “Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes.”—P.J. O’Rourke

17. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —Jerry Seinfeld

18. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.”—Reese Witherspoon

19. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”—Paula Poundstone

20. “It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls

Witty Quotes Funny

21. “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”—Phyllis Diller

22. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller

23. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”—Erma Bombeck

24. “A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.”―George Bernard Shaw

25. “The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.”—Ann Landers

26. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”—Isaac Asimov

27. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.”—David Lee Roth

28. “Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.”—Neil Gaiman

29. “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.”—Ellen DeGeneres

30. “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.”—Alexander Woollcott

Witty Motivational Quotes

31. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling

32. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”—Sandra Bullock

33. “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”―Winston S. Churchill

34. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”—Mark Twain

35. “Instant gratification takes too long.”—Carrie Fisher

36. “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”―Ellen DeGeneres

37. “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.”—Mark Twain

38. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”―Will Rogers

39. “Reality continues to ruin my life.”―Bill Watterson

40. “I’ve had great success being a total idiot. “―Jerry Lewis

Funny Sayings

Funny Marriage Quotes

41. “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.”―Golda Meir

42. “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”—Betty White

43. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”—Judith Martin

44. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”—Samuel L. Jackson

45. “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face.”—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias

46. “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”—Oscar Wilde

47. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”—Jim Carrey

48. “As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.”—Ralphie May

49. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”—Shirley MacLaine

50. “The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.”—Dolly Parton


Mothers Day Quotes Funny

51. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”―Phyllis Diller

52. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”—Albert Einstein

53. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”—Pauline Thomason

54. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke

55. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell

56. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

59. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”—Luis Buñuel

60. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers

Witty Short Quotes

61. “Look, you didn’t ask me for my opinion, but I’m old, so I’m giving it anyway.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

62. “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.”—Dolly Parton

63. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”—Garry Shandling

64. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball

65. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls

66. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.”—Pam Beesly, The Office

67. “Don’t waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.”—Meryl Streep

68. “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.”—Cindy Crawford

69. “I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.”—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias

70. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”―Isaac Asimov

Funny Inspirational Quotes

71. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.” —Rita Mae Brown

72. “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls

73. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

74. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.”—Dolly Parton

75. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'”―Groucho Marx

76. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”—Benjamin Franklin

77. “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”—Charlotte Whitton

78. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”—Oprah Winfrey

79. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”—Ernest Hemingway

80. “A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”—Eleanor Roosevelt

Wiity Quotes

Witty Love Quotes

81. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”—Mark Twain

82. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias

83. “Well, you know what they say: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.”—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

84. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”—Witty Quotes

85. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”—Kevin Malone, The Office

86. “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”—Lily Tomlin

87. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis

88. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”—W.C. Fields

89. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”―Cathy Guisewite

90. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”—Michael Scott, The Office

Witty Peace Quotes

91. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.”―Albert Einstein

92. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”―Oscar Wilde

93. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!”― Charles M. Schulz

94. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”―W.C. Fields

95. “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”―Mae West

96. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”―Bill Watterson

97. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”—James Branch Cabell

98. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!”—Charlie Brown

99. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”Witty Quotes

100. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”—Elbert Hubbard


Witty Sarcastic Quotes

101. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers

102. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”—Lin-Manuel Miranda

103. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis

104. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

105. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”—Noel Coward

106. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”—Jack Whitehall

107. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.”—Witty Quotes

108. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”—Damien Fahey

109. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”—Shonda Rimes

110. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx

Witty Wedding Quotes

111. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”—Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

112. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”—Witty Quotes

113. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”—Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

114. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker

115. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”—Maria Bamford

116. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”—Jarod Kintz

117.“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”—Betty White

118. Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.”Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?”—Waitress, the Musical

119. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”—Anonymous

120. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”—Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

Witty Quotes About Self

121. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

122. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?”—Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

123. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.”

124. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde

125. Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!”Individual: “I’m not!”—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

126. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck

127. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

128. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.”—Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

129. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”—Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

130. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.”—Anonymous

Witty Quotes About Love

131. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

132. “Woke up today. It was terrible.”—Grumpy Cat

133. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”—Mark Twain

134. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”—Anonymous

135. Police officer: “Pull over.”Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.”—Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

136. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope

137. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.”—Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

138. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

139. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”—Tina Fey, Bossypants

140. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”—Anonymous

Inspiring Words

Inspiring Quotes

141. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”—Robin Williams

142. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?”Clouseau: “The exploding kind.”—Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

143. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

144. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.”—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

145. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

146. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres

147. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”—George Burns

148. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

149. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno

150. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.”—Adam Gropman


Uplifting Quotes

151. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”—Dave Barry

152. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx

153. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”—Steve Martin

154. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?”—Neil DeGrasse Tyson

155. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

156. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom

157. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”—Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

158. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”—George Carlin

159. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

160. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”—Graham Norton

Funniest Quotes

161. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

162. There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

163. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

164. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

165. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”Fred: “Your feet?”—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

166. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”—Jerry Seinfeld

167. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

168. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”—Anonymous

169. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”—Anonymous

170. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

Meme Quotes

171. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

172. Usher: “Bride or groom?”Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”—Four Weddings and a Funeral

173. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”—Lessons from the Minivan

174. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright

175. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

176. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

177. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

178. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

179. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”—David Letterman

180. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Crazy Quotes

181. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

182. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers

183. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”—Jimmy Kimmel

184. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

185. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

186. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

187. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”—Rodney Dangerfield

188. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”—Anonymous

189. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

190. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

Work Quotes

Funny Work Quotes

191. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”— Witty Quotes

192.“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres

193. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

194. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller

195. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

196. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell

197. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”—Witty Quotes

198. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner

199. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”—Jack Handey

200. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

Quotes About Laughter

201. A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire

202. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” Catherine Pulsifer

203. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”

204. “You’re not forty, you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.”

205. “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.”

206. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

207. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

208. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

209. “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” Bette Midler

210. “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.”

FAQs About Witty Quotes

Below are frequently asked questions about witty quotes

1. What are some cool sayings?

▸ Love For All, Hatred For None.

▸ Change the world by being yourself.

▸ Every moment is a fresh beginning.

▸ Never regret anything that made you smile.

▸ Die with memories, not dreams.

▸ Aspire to inspire before we expire.

2. How can I be clever quotes?

▸ Don’t bother about genius.

▸ Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

▸ Life, it turns out, is infinitely more clever and adaptable than anyone had ever supposed.

▸ Being clever was when you looked at how things were and used the evidence to work out something new.

3. What are some wise words?

▸ George Bernard Shaw: “Life isn’t about finding yourself.

▸ Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the things you think you cannot do.”

▸ Frank Lloyd Wright: “The truth is more important than the facts.​”​

▸ Mother Teresa: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

4. What are some sassy quotes?

▸ Sassy but still classy.

▸ We wear crowns over here.

▸ Throw sass around like confetti.

▸ You’re not gonna tell me who I am. I’m gonna tell you who I am.

▸ Act like a lady, think like a boss.

▸ There is no competition but nobody can be me.

▸ Stay out of my way.

▸ I do a thing called what I want

5. What are savage captions?

▸ I refuse to be put in a box.

▸ When in doubt, freak ’em out.

▸ I’m one of those people who doesn’t follow trends.

▸ You’re not going to tell me who I am.

▸ I’ve always been famous, it’s just no one knew it yet.

▸ If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

6. What are some baddie captions?

▸ If you know me better then you do better.

▸ I hope the memory of me kill you.

▸ She has fire in her soul and grace in her heart.

▸ People drink beer by choice.

▸ Be happy it drives people crazy.

▸ I’m the truth, so hold your lies.

▸ Zombies eat brains.

▸ I’m the girl you’ve always wanted.

7. What are some attitude captions?

▸ An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.

▸ I never lose

▸ You don’t like my attitude?

▸ You’re not gonna tell me who I am

▸ Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference

▸ I’m not cranky

▸ You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES, not both.

▸ Not always ‘Available’

8. What should I caption for myself?

▸ “The best of me is yet to come.”

▸ “Sunday Funday”

▸ “Never let anyone treat you like you’re ordinary.”

▸ “Be yourself, there’s no one better.”

▸ “She acts like summer and walks like rain.”

▸ “Life is better when you’re laughing.”

▸ “Be more of you, and less of them.”

▸ “Maybe she’s born with it…”

9. What is the best attitude?

▸  “Attitudes are nothing more than habits of thought.”

▸  “The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitudes.”

▸  “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

▸  “The most effective attitude to adopt is one of supreme acceptance.”

10. What is the best attitude status?

▸ My life, My Rules, My Attitude.

▸ I don’t hate you, but I’ve lost all the reasons to love you.

▸  I don’t care who stops talking to me because what do you do for me.

▸ Don’t judge my choices when you don’t understand my reasons.

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