200+ Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh
– Witty Quotes –
Looking for a way to bring out the wit in you? Check out these witty quotes for a motivating boost as well as a dose of levity.
Comedy has a way of helping us understand we’re all going through the same things in this crazy world, whether it’s a play on words, an amusing comment on ordinary occurrences, or old witty sayings.
“So true!” you’ll exclaim as you read these witty quotes about work, love, friends, and family. Others will make you reminisce about funny, meme-worthy movies and television scenes.
Funny Witty Quotes Sarcastic Quotes
1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”—Mitch Hedberg
2. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.”—Stanley Hudson, The Office
3. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”—Will Rogers
4.”All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.”—Mark Twain
5. “You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.”—Zig Ziglar
6. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”—Sarah Brown
7. “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.”—Marcelene Cox
8. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”―Charles Lamb
9. “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”―Jerome K. Jerome
10. “I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”—Joan Rivers
Witty Quotes About Life
11. “Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?”—Phyllis Diller
12. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”—Oscar Wilde
13. “So this is my life — until I win the lottery.”—Jim Halpert, The Office
14. “An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.”—Michael Scott, The Office
15. “Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”—Jim Halpert, The Office
16. “Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes.”—P.J. O’Rourke
17. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —Jerry Seinfeld
18. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.”—Reese Witherspoon
19. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.”—Paula Poundstone
20. “It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
Witty Quotes Funny
21. “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”—Phyllis Diller
22. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
23. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”—Erma Bombeck
24. “A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.”―George Bernard Shaw
25. “The lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.”—Ann Landers
26. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”—Isaac Asimov
27. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.”—David Lee Roth
28. “Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.”—Neil Gaiman
29. “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.”—Ellen DeGeneres
30. “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.”—Alexander Woollcott
Witty Motivational Quotes
31. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling
32. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”—Sandra Bullock
33. “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”―Winston S. Churchill
34. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”—Mark Twain
35. “Instant gratification takes too long.”—Carrie Fisher
36. “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”―Ellen DeGeneres
37. “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.”—Mark Twain
38. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”―Will Rogers
39. “Reality continues to ruin my life.”―Bill Watterson
40. “I’ve had great success being a total idiot. “―Jerry Lewis
Funny Marriage Quotes
41. “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.”―Golda Meir
42. “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”—Betty White
43. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”—Judith Martin
44. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”—Samuel L. Jackson
45. “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face.”—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
46. “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”—Oscar Wilde
47. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”—Jim Carrey
48. “As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.”—Ralphie May
49. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”—Shirley MacLaine
50. “The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.”—Dolly Parton
Mothers Day Quotes Funny
51. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”―Phyllis Diller
52. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”—Albert Einstein
53. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”—Pauline Thomason
54. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
55. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell
56. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom
57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns
58. “No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
59. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”—Luis Buñuel
60. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers
Witty Short Quotes
61. “Look, you didn’t ask me for my opinion, but I’m old, so I’m giving it anyway.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
62. “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.”—Dolly Parton
63. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”—Garry Shandling
64. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
65. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.”—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
66. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.”—Pam Beesly, The Office
67. “Don’t waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.”—Meryl Streep
68. “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.”—Cindy Crawford
69. “I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.”—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
70. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”―Isaac Asimov
Funny Inspirational Quotes
71. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.” —Rita Mae Brown
72. “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
73. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
74. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.”—Dolly Parton
75. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'”―Groucho Marx
76. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”—Benjamin Franklin
77. “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”—Charlotte Whitton
78. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”—Oprah Winfrey
79. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”—Ernest Hemingway
80. “A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”—Eleanor Roosevelt
Witty Love Quotes
81. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”—Mark Twain
82. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.”—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
83. “Well, you know what they say: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.”—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
84. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”—Witty Quotes
85. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”—Kevin Malone, The Office
86. “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”—Lily Tomlin
87. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis
88. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”—W.C. Fields
89. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”―Cathy Guisewite
90. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”—Michael Scott, The Office
Witty Peace Quotes
91. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.”―Albert Einstein
92. “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”―Oscar Wilde
93. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!”― Charles M. Schulz
94. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”―W.C. Fields
95. “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”―Mae West
96. “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”―Bill Watterson
97. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”—James Branch Cabell
98. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!”—Charlie Brown
99. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”Witty Quotes
100. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”—Elbert Hubbard
Witty Sarcastic Quotes
101. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
102. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”—Lin-Manuel Miranda
103. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis
104. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
105. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”—Noel Coward
106. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”—Jack Whitehall
107. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.”—Witty Quotes
108. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”—Damien Fahey
109. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”—Shonda Rimes
110. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx
Witty Wedding Quotes
111. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”—Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
112. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”—Witty Quotes
113. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”—Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
114. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker
115. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”—Maria Bamford
116. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”—Jarod Kintz
117.“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”—Betty White
118. Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.”Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?”—Waitress, the Musical
119. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”—Anonymous
120. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”—Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally
Witty Quotes About Self
121. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City
122. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?”—Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids
123. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.”
124. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde
125. Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!”Individual: “I’m not!”—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian
126. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck
127. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal
128. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.”—Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors
129. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”—Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night
130. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.”—Anonymous
Witty Quotes About Love
131. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace
132. “Woke up today. It was terrible.”—Grumpy Cat
133. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”—Mark Twain
134. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”—Anonymous
135. Police officer: “Pull over.”Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.”—Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber
136. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
137. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.”—Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
138. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory
139. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”—Tina Fey, Bossypants
140. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”—Anonymous
141. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”—Robin Williams
142. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?”Clouseau: “The exploding kind.”—Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again
143. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
144. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.”—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding
145. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny
146. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres
147. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”—George Burns
148. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
149. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno
150. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.”—Adam Gropman
151. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”—Dave Barry
152. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx
153. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”—Steve Martin
154. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?”—Neil DeGrasse Tyson
155. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
156. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom
157. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”—Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm
158. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”—George Carlin
159. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
160. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”—Graham Norton
161. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias
162. There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey
163. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
164. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers
165. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”Fred: “Your feet?”—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy
166. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”—Jerry Seinfeld
167. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality
168. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”—Anonymous
169. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”—Anonymous
170. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club
171. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
172. Usher: “Bride or groom?”Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”—Four Weddings and a Funeral
173. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”—Lessons from the Minivan
174. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright
175. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
176. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
177. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
178. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
179. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”—David Letterman
180. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
181. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
182. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers
183. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”—Jimmy Kimmel
184. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
185. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus
186. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson
187. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”—Rodney Dangerfield
188. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”—Anonymous
189. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld
190. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office
Funny Work Quotes
191. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”— Witty Quotes
192.“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres
193. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
194. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
195. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day
196. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell
197. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”—Witty Quotes
198. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
199. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”—Jack Handey
200. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space
Quotes About Laughter
201. A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire
202. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” Catherine Pulsifer
203. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
204. “You’re not forty, you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.”
205. “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.”
206. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
207. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
208. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
209. “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” Bette Midler
210. “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.”
FAQs About Witty Quotes
Below are frequently asked questions about witty quotes
1. What are some cool sayings?
▸ Love For All, Hatred For None.
▸ Change the world by being yourself.
▸ Every moment is a fresh beginning.
▸ Never regret anything that made you smile.
▸ Die with memories, not dreams.
▸ Aspire to inspire before we expire.
2. How can I be clever quotes?
▸ Don’t bother about genius.
▸ Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.
▸ Life, it turns out, is infinitely more clever and adaptable than anyone had ever supposed.
▸ Being clever was when you looked at how things were and used the evidence to work out something new.
3. What are some wise words?
▸ George Bernard Shaw: “Life isn’t about finding yourself.
▸ Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the things you think you cannot do.”
▸ Frank Lloyd Wright: “The truth is more important than the facts.”
▸ Mother Teresa: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
4. What are some sassy quotes?
▸ Sassy but still classy.
▸ We wear crowns over here.
▸ Throw sass around like confetti.
▸ You’re not gonna tell me who I am. I’m gonna tell you who I am.
▸ Act like a lady, think like a boss.
▸ There is no competition but nobody can be me.
▸ Stay out of my way.
▸ I do a thing called what I want
5. What are savage captions?
▸ I refuse to be put in a box.
▸ When in doubt, freak ’em out.
▸ I’m one of those people who doesn’t follow trends.
▸ You’re not going to tell me who I am.
▸ I’ve always been famous, it’s just no one knew it yet.
▸ If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
6. What are some baddie captions?
▸ If you know me better then you do better.
▸ I hope the memory of me kill you.
▸ She has fire in her soul and grace in her heart.
▸ People drink beer by choice.
▸ Be happy it drives people crazy.
▸ I’m the truth, so hold your lies.
▸ Zombies eat brains.
▸ I’m the girl you’ve always wanted.
7. What are some attitude captions?
▸ An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.
▸ I never lose
▸ You don’t like my attitude?
▸ You’re not gonna tell me who I am
▸ Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference
▸ I’m not cranky
▸ You can have RESULTS or EXCUSES, not both.
▸ Not always ‘Available’
8. What should I caption for myself?
▸ “The best of me is yet to come.”
▸ “Sunday Funday”
▸ “Never let anyone treat you like you’re ordinary.”
▸ “Be yourself, there’s no one better.”
▸ “She acts like summer and walks like rain.”
▸ “Life is better when you’re laughing.”
▸ “Be more of you, and less of them.”
▸ “Maybe she’s born with it…”
9. What is the best attitude?
▸ “Attitudes are nothing more than habits of thought.”
▸ “The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitudes.”
▸ “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
▸ “The most effective attitude to adopt is one of supreme acceptance.”
10. What is the best attitude status?
▸ My life, My Rules, My Attitude.
▸ I don’t hate you, but I’ve lost all the reasons to love you.
▸ I don’t care who stops talking to me because what do you do for me.
▸ Don’t judge my choices when you don’t understand my reasons.
We believe this article about witty quotes has been inspiring as well as uplifting. Please endeavor to share this article with family and friends.