Dark Humor Jokes that are Twisted, Morbid and Funny
– Dark Humor Jokes –
Black humor, sometimes known as dark humor, is a type of humor that makes light of topics that are traditionally considered taboo, especially those that are serious or difficult to discuss.
Relax if you have a grim sense of humor. It isn’t always a terrible thing; in fact, several studies suggest that those who appreciate black humor jokes are smarter than the typical person.
Dark humor and purposely insulting jokes might provide even more of a release. We may laugh without fear and let our worries melt away by sitting in an audience and listening to someone tell edgy joke after edgy joke.
Dark humor jokes are the ones that make you laugh out loud despite knowing you shouldn’t. They’re the jokes you only tell your closest friends since outsiders will undoubtedly judge, report, and cancel you eternally.
Best Dark Humor Jokes
Below is a compilation of dark humor jokes to kickstart your day:
Dark Humor Jokes to die for
1. I’ve been looking for my ex-boyfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
2. I hate these double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “doing a good job.” If you do that at home, you’re “destroying evidence.”
3. Where did Jack go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
4. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
5. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
6. A father to his 6-year-old son: “No, Liam, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every night in the bed next to me.”
7. I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins. I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
8. I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
9. I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
10. I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
Really Dark Jokes
11. My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
12. ‘You the bomb.’ ‘No, you the bomb.’ A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
13. Man: How do you prepare your chicken? Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
14. My wife left a note on the fridge saying, “this is not working”. I don’t know what she’s talking about, the fridge is working fine.
15. Option 1: Let’s eat grandma. Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma. There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
16. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
17. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
18. Son: How do stars die? Dad: An overdose, usually.
19. Wife: I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m a dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
20. My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
Despicable Dark Humor
21. Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: “you’re next”. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
22. I went to visit my childhood home, but the people who lived there wouldn’t let me in. My parents are the worst.
23. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an excellent saying until you realize that you’re adopted.
24. I’d tell you a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
25. My family is like a treasure. You need a map and a shovel to find them.
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26. My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now, he’ll really know what rejection feels like.
27. That moment when you notice that one fork isn’t really very clean when you’re setting the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
28. Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
29. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
30. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
Sizzling Hot Jokes
31. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
32. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
33. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
34. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
35. “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
36. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
37. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
38. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
39. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
40. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Silly Yet Funny
41. Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.
42. Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
43. Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any.
44. If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it.
45. Stop elephant poaching. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.
46. I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
47. I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
48. Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon” Man: “Am I dying?”Doctor: “No, your wife is”
49. If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
50. My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Offensive Jokes
51. I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.
52. Top tip: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer.
53. Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
54. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
55. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Lovely saying. Terrible way to find out you’re adopted.
56. I read a book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down.
57. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
58. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
59. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
60. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
Naughtiest Dark Humor Jokes
61. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
62. My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
63. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
64. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
65. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
66. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
67. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
68. My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
69. What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
70. What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.
Morbid Jokes
71. “I work with animals,” the guy says to his Tinder date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
72. What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
73. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
74. Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
75. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? It was because of a face-off in the corner.
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76. They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
77. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
78. What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
79. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
80. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Unexpected Dark Humor Jokes
81. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
82. Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
83. My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
84. Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
85. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punch line.
86. My grief counsellor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
87. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
88. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
89. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person
90. Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”
Satisfying Dark Humor Jokes
91. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
92. I hope death is a woman. That way it will never come for me.
93. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
94. Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
95. Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” Doctor: “To the morgue.” Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
96. Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
97. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
98. Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
99. Man with cancer: “How much time do I have left?” Doctor: “Ten” Man with cancer: “Months? Weeks? Days?” “… Nine. Eight …”
100. It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient. He was a great vet.
Rotten Dark Humor Jokes
101. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)
102. What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
103. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
104. A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
105. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
106. What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
107. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
108. I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.
109. What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
110. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
Twisted Dark Humor Jokes
111. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
112. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”
113. “I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
114. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
115. My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
116. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
117. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
118. My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
119. I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
120. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
Fun Dark Humor Jokes
121. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
122. Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
123. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
124. I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but the police came out of nowhere.
125. Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
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126. A guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: “Hey mister it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.” / Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
127. You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time folks make a group photo.
128. My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
129. How do you make any salad a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
130. Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Goofy Dark Humor Jokes
131. My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
132. If I really wanted to hurt myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
133. What’s the fastest way to get to a hospital? Just stand in the middle of the road for a little while.
134. If you see me smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
135. Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was black.
136. As I do more laundry, nakedness seems more realistic.
137. Girlhood is like a bubble, all it takes is one little idiot, and it is gone.
138. A man went into a library and asked for a book on killing yourself.
139. The librarian said: “F**k off. You will not bring it back.”
140. A Jew with a boner runs into a wall; what does he break? His nose.
Warped Dark Humor Jokes
141. Well, humans indeed eat more bananas than monkeys, just as recent research suggests. I agree because I can’t remember when last I enjoyed eating a monkey.
142. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
143. Where did Lucy go during the bombing? Everywhere.
144. The day could not have gotten any worse. My ex-girlfriend was run down by a bus and what followed was me losing my job as the bus driver.
145. I never needed unstable relationships to teach me about broken relationship vices; my parents were perfect examples.
146. Funny how a man gave up s*x, controlled substances, alcohol and expensive food to be healthy. This only lasted up to the time he killed himself.
147. You get yourself a rope when you enter into a relationship
148. I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
149. If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling.Sheesh!
150. “I work with animals,” the guy says to his date.“ That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Are you a vet?” “No, I’m a butcher,” he says.
Divisive Dark Humor Jokes
151. They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
152. Why is the leper’s hockey game get canceled?There was a face-off in the corner.
153. I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
154. What do you call a blonde in the freezer?Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
155. I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake… It was a bittersweet victory.
156. It’s important to have a good vocabulary.If I had known the difference between the words’ antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
157. What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
158. There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
159. The easiest way to know you are ugly is when you are handed the camera every time there is a group photo.
160. If you want to stop an argument between deaf people, be fast and switch off the lights. Case ended!
More Jokes
161. It is a bitter-sweet end for me as I won the bet after my friend drowned in the lake.
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162. My boss farted in front of a Jewish client “A little gas never killed anybody.”
163. I got a second opinion after asking my psychiatrist for it after he said I was crazy. He said I was ugly too.
164. Only the holocaust beats finding a worm in your apple.
165. Having a mind that is considered dirty makes conversations far more interesting.
166. You will learn that the only difference between a gun and a rope is the duration one takes to make a knot with either.
167. My drinking problem is that I cannot afford it.
168. Blow something up when you are in doubt.
169. I hate to advocate controlled substances, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they have always worked for me.
170. You have to accept that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue. –
Disturbing Jokes
171. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He will not expect it back.
172. Despite my ghoulish reputation, I have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
173. Orphans play baseball best because they have no idea where home is.
174. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
175. Why can’t you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library? Because you wouldn’t bring it back
176. Shout out to my grandma since that’s the only way she can hear you.
177. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker.
178. What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
179. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
180. Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
Offbeat Jokes
181. A man and a woman are walking through the woods at night when the woman says “I’m scared”. “How do you think I feel?” The man replies. “I have to walk back alone.”
182. What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage
183. Grandma: Most people your age are married by now, why aren’t you? Me: Most people your age are dead by now, why aren’t you?
184. Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
185. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer
186. What’s the best part about turning 60? No more calls from life insurance salesmen.
187. My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
188. What’s the difference between a baby and a potato. About 140 calories.
189. What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
190. I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing because I was homeschooled.
Cute Jokes
191. Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
192. Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”Dad: “Call me George.”
193. Life is like a peepee It’s often hard for no reason
194. When does a joke become a dad joke?When it leaves and never comes back
195. Why did two Asian parents have an Asian baby? Because two wongs don’t make a white
196. I childproofed my house Somehow they still got in!
197. My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. The only problem is we already have three.
198. Wife: “I want another baby” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”
199. “Madam, your son just called me ugly!” “I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it’s wrong to judge people on their looks…”
200. What do you call people who use the rhythm method of contraception? Parents.
Frequently Asked Questions
Below are FAQs in relation to dark humor.
Why is a live coconut worm safe to eat but not other worms?
Once again, consider asking IF the thing you’ve heard is in fact correct or true! A few specific PARASITIC nematode “worms” are not to be consumed because they can cause damage or injury (e.g. Trichinella, Anisakis).
Earthworms (Annelidae) are sometimes eaten as a stunt. You are essentially eating the soil inside the worm. The larvae of common food-infesting moths, beetles, or weevils (sometimes erroneously called “worms”) have been eaten for centuries with no adverse effects. It’s a personal decision.
Do worms in cherries harm the person eating them?
“No, they’re physically harmless.”
Can I sue Olive Garden for finding a worm in my salad?
While you could sue them, you’re not going to win any kind of judgement and might have to pay their legal expenses. Worms and other bugs are considered an ordinary and normal occurrence in all produce, according to the FDA.
What happens if you eat a mango with mango worms or larvae?
Accidentally ingesting maggots does not generally cause any lasting harm. However, if a person has ingested maggots through eating spoiled food, they may be at risk of food poisoning. Symptoms of food poisoning can range from very mild to serious, and they can sometimes last for several days.
What happens if one accidentally eats cauliflower worms?
When we consume the parasite-laden cabbage or cauliflower, tapeworm reaches our brain. In the worst cases, they can be life-threatening. The cabbage used in Chinese foods is even more dangerous. Chinese foods are not cooked at high temperatures, which makes these foods further unhealthy for us
Why do jokes make one laugh?
A joke moves in two dimensions. First it moves in a logical dimension. You can conceive it. If the joke goes on logically to the very end, it will cease to be a joke; there will be no laughter.
So suddenly the joke takes a turn and becomes so illogical that you cannot conceive it. And when the joke takes a turn and the result becomes illogical; then the expectation, the tension that was createdin you, suddenly explodes. You relax. Laughter comes out.
Worms are eating my mint. What can I do?
Because you’re using mint in food or drink, you’ll have to forego spraying the mint with insecticide. What you can do is pick off and step on any caterpillars that you see, and give the plant some chance to recover.
Can a worm live in chicken meat after it’s cooked?
Yes, if the temperature is low enough and the chicken is not cooked to the proper temperature of at least 165 degrees F. Chicken should never be eaten if the meat is pink and the juices do not run clear.
If you found this article to be enlightening as well as entertaining, please do well to share this article with your family, friends, and colleagues.
